


Found a Flower In a Field of Weeds

by SassyDelusions (Sassydelusions)



Series: Reylo Piano AU [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ben "Too Pretentious For Pop Music" Solo, Corgi BB-8, Eventual Smut, F/M, Feelings, Fluff and Angst, Mentions of past abuse, Mentions of past sexual assault, POV Ben Solo, Rey just wants to play piano in peace, Sort of College AU, mentions of past grooming
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2019-04-08 06:23:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 35,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14099199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sassydelusions/pseuds/SassyDelusions
Summary: Ben Solo, successful concert pianist, is roped into teaching a three week musical breakdown workshop. Due to either dumb luck or fate he stumbled upon a girl with more raw talent than he’s ever seen. The only problem is that no matter how hard he tries to unravel her, Ben can’t seem to solve the mystery that is Rey. Over time they begin to form a bond that helps him forget why he was worried about coming in the first place.--She was like something from a childhood dream, soft bronze skin dusted with freckles, hazel eyes that emoted with intensity, a slender frame that bobbed and bounced, all wrapped up in a brown sweater as she gave herself to the song, soul, mind and body. Brown hair was tied up into a messy bun at the very top of her head, many stray pieces resting against her neck and brushing along her cheeks and ears as she allowed the song to guide her body to the beat. Above all of her damning good looks was the way her fingers danced over the keys with the grace of a professional. He couldn’t decide which task held more of his focus, watching her fingers lay claim to the keys, or trying to decipher just how many different colors made up the flecks in her eyes.Fuck.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This AU is super self indulgent and has been plotted out from start to finish already. While I know what I want and know where I am going, I LOVE hearing ideas from the readers and love hearing y'all's feedback. Every song that is mentioned can be found in the footnotes at the bottom and none of them are my property.

Ben Solo hated everything about this god forsaken university. He didn’t have many fond memories of his time attending here. He didn’t care for any of the alumni. He didn’t like a single member of the staff. But somehow, he had found himself roped into teaching a three week workshop. Were it any other campus he might have been estatic for the opportunity. Armitage liked to complain that the nuances of musical composition and performance were Ben’s only true loves in this miserable world. Ben was often inclined to agree. Sadly, no passion for his profession could make this place tolerable. Too many memories lurked in the halls and worse even than the memories were the living and breathing irritations that would seize any opportunity to have a conversation with him.

 

He silently prayed to whatever god might be kind enough to listen before he finally stepped out of his car. Apparently his prayers hadn’t fallen entirely on deaf ears because he managed to make it all the way through the main courtyard before anyone accosted him. 

 

“Ben!” The cheerful voice could only belong to one person, the person who made his presence here possible.  _ Not that he was bitter or anything. _

 

“Mother.”

 

“Oh don’t you ‘mother’ me, Benjamin Solo. Get over here and give me a hug before I smack you for being gone so long.” Despite her threats of violence, it was very clear that Leia was delighted to see him.

 

With a half contained grin, Ben set his briefcase down and wrapped his arms around the much smaller Solo. Her arms gave him a firm squeeze. He hoped that such a tight squeeze wouldn’t wrinkle his button-down shirt. She still smelled like lavender and home; that familiarity brought a secret smile to the pianist's lips. 

 

“I swear you never stop growing.” She grumbled against his chest, laughing wistfully.

 

“Maybe you’re just shrinking.” A large hand rose up to rest on the top of her head. Ben learned at the young age of twelve that being taller than his mother in no way implied that he was truly bigger than her. She had a presence about her that a body simply couldn’t contain and it commanded respect. 

 

“If I’ve lost even an inch of height it’s because you’re causing me to literally wither away from stress.” 

 

“I’d like to think that I am causing you far less stress now, touring the world, than I did years ago when I was running around the house.” 

 

“I’m sure you would…”

 

It was very slowly and with great reluctance that Leia pulled back and let him free of her arms. She looked up at him with sad eyes that tugged uninvited upon his heart. A small smile touched her lips as she reached up to touch her son’s cheek and he couldn’t bring himself to shy away.

This was exactly why he was standing here. If anyone else in the entire universe had asked him to come back to this place he would have said no in a heartbeat, but there were very few things that Ben Solo wouldn’t do to appease his mother. Seeing a hint of a smile on the woman’s lips was enough reward for near any task. 

 

“Enough of all this sappy shit. It’s too early in the morning for me to have to reapply my mascara.” A little pat was given to Ben’s cheek as his mother’s face split with a self-assured grin. He didn’t bother informing her that two o’clock didn’t really constitute as early morning. “Now, let me show you the space that your uncle had set aside for your classes. You’ll be using a room in the east building. We finally got around to renovating everything, you’re lucky you missed that headache.”

 

“I honestly can’t imagine this place being any more of a headache than it already is.” He ignored a glare from his mother and picked up his briefcase again.

 

He only half listened as she then went off into a spiel about how he needed to visit more and how his father had missed him and how things had been at home. He didn’t really care a great deal about whether or not Han Solo missed him and they both knew it. But he loved his mother enough to let her voice the lie. She couldn’t fool him, but maybe she could fool herself. 

 

While she filled him with stories, Ben kept himself busy looking over the familiar buildings and grounds of the school. Alderaan University was an expensive establishment. The buildings were every bit as beautiful as they looked in the enrollment brochures. Fountains and sculptures were peppered throughout the vibrant green shrubbery. Bushes were cut with crisp lines and accented with pink dahlia floorbeds. The architecture was decidedly neoclassical. Built of ivory colored stone and sporting an abundance of pillars and steps, neatly carved  friezes set the buildings apart from one another without sacrificing a sense of uniformity . Not a single luxury was spared on the vast campus and the tuition was a testament to it. Of course, Ben hadn’t had to worry about that when he attended. Not only was his mother the main benefactor, but his uncle was the dean. Every single one of their friends that brandished a PhD had a place on the staff as well.  _ Nepotism at its very finest.  _

 

Being bitter about the place wasn’t going to change it. He’d learned that the hard way. His mother and uncle were stuck in their ways and no amount of protest from him would bring about a difference. This workshop wasn’t going to be long and given Luke’s disinterest in Ben’s career choice, he sincerely doubted he’d cross paths with the dean. Three weeks in Alderaan wouldn’t be too terrible if he managed to stay clear of any Skywalker related drama.

 

When Leia came to a stop in front of the east building, Ben pulled himself from his thoughts so he could get a good look. This building was just as pretentious looking as any other building on campus. Columns and steps and implied authority made up the structure and had it fitting the uniform theme just fine. The bronze plate beside the double doors read ‘Anakin Skywalker Building For The Arts’ and despite himself, Ben let a faint smile grace his lips.

 

“You’ll be happy to know that we left all of the gardens the way he had originally wanted them. I know you have some fond memories here.” His mother spoke with a wistfulness that made it impossible for him to refute her words. He had a number of memories of this place, but whether or not they were fond was something he himself often debated.

 

Stepping inside, he was pleased to see that most of the revamping had only been for restoration purposes. The large entry hall was the same and the colors were still deep browns and blacks. Most of his time at Alderaan University had been spent in these broad hallways or tucked away in one of many practice rooms. Nostalgia hit him like a brick and he physically recoiled. Maybe this would be a little harder than he had hoped. As if sensing his discomfort, his mother lead him over to the elevator.

 

“This lower floor is monopolized heavily by the dance teams. The ballroom team can be kind of aggressive about their practice times so try not to bug them if you can avoid it. Our varsity ballroom team is ranked in the country right now.” His mother seemed amused by her own declaration, but she didn’t share the reason why it was so funny.

 

“Varsity ballroom?” A dark eyebrow rose.

 

Leia simply grinned. The chime of the elevator came and she gave a little jerk of her head to urge him forwards. “Luke almost put you up in the auditorium, but after a little bit of persuasion I managed to talk him into giving you this space.”

 

Automatic lights flickered on as they stepped into the carpeted room. He spotted two soundproof practice rooms first, a large window revealing a piano and a few brass instruments in both. A grand piano sat on the risen platform at the frontmost part of the room and there were shelves filled with sheet music and various small percussion instruments scattered along the walls. Risers were built into the carpet and chairs were stacked on the very top step up against the wall. It smelled like windwind reeds, brass valve oil, and dust. 

 

“So this is an extra band room? It doesn’t look equipped enough to be a primary one.” 

 

"Which makes it ideal. That puts you in a room that works better for what you need while also keeping you out of the auditorium so that we don’t have to worry about clashing schedules with the performing arts department. It's a win-win for everyone." 

 

A number of whiteboards lined the walls, all of them looking like they hadn't been used in weeks. He was already thinking about how best he could apply the space to his lesson plans. It wasn't supposed to be a large amount of students and this was a lot of open area. He couldn't begin to imagine what he would have done with all the extra space of the auditorium. Luke never did have good instructive vision so he couldn’t say he was shocked that his original plan was to put him somewhere less intimate. Workshops like this were best taught in a close quarters environment to keep the students engaged. 

 

"Thank you. This will do." 

 

"Your first class is tomorrow, right?" Brown eyes shifted to look at him. She already knew the answer to that question so really it was just a way to slide in a request. "If you'll be free this evening then you should join your father and I for dinner."

 

"I'd rather not." She could talk him into teaching a few classes, but talking him into going to dinner would take at least a little bit more struggling on his end. 

 

"You'd rather not?" Leia looked affronted and Ben almost felt bad for his words. Only almost. "There are a lot of things you'd rather not do lately and it seems that all of them have something to do with your father and I. Look, I'm not going to say that you have to join us, but I am going to say that I'll be very sad if you spend three weeks in town and never manage to make it home for dinner."

 

Leia Organa-Solo knew how to punch a man without ever raising her fists. Despite his familiarity with the tactic, he couldn’t stop the sudden wave of guilt. "I'll come by before I leave town." He frowned. “Just not tonight."

 

An arm hooked around him and his mother's grayed hair pressed against his arm. "Don't be a stranger, Ben. You are loved and missed."

 

He gently rubbed her upper arm and gave a small nod. He didn't say anything. He didn't think he could have conjured the right words. There was no question that his mother missed him. But that fact alone did little to abate his hatred for this place or the people in it. One good thing in a sea of frustration wasn't enough to warrant a long swim. He had spent too many of his teenage years trying to tread those waters and he wasn’t about to waste any more of his time and energy on it.

 

After he placed a small kiss to the top of her head, his mother took her leave. Ben couldn’t have been more grateful for the silence her exit rewarded him. He moved over to the piano, his nimble fingers ascending up the keys in a simple scale. The sound the sleek black piano offered him was crisp and freshly tuned and he was pleased with the way that it reverberated through the room. Ben had always felt a severe lack of control in his life. That was what drove him to love the piano so much. While he couldn’t control his father’s constant absences or his uncle’s scrutiny, he had full control when he played the piano. Songs could be polished and perfected with the right balance of skill and practice. 

 

Seating himself on the bench, he clicked open his briefcase and began looking over the outline he’d brought. He played through each and every one of his selected scores and reveled in the way the sound carried through the room. It wasn’t quite as gratifying as playing in an empty concert hall, but it was still nice. His selections for week one were from his two favorites composers, the classical piece being a movement from  Rachmaninoff’s Piano Concerto No. 1, and the contemporary piece being the composition that put his grandfather on the map as one of the biggest contemporary composers of all time. Ben Solo had grown up immersing himself in their music, finding peace of mind in the complex riffs and refrains. His father never understood and it had been something of a sour spot between them for years. Since Han couldn’t adopt a tolerance for the arts, Ben adopted headphone use. It didn’t really solve the large scale issues between them, but it avoided minor arguments that he didn’t have the energy to entertain.

 

After he had dusted off the shelves and written a few things out on the various dry-erase surfaces, he busied himself with getting seats set up and assigned. By the time he was done with all the preparations, the sun had already sunk beyond the line of the horizon. So he gathered up the sheets of music, placing them into his briefcase in the set order they had been in before he took them out, and he left the band room.

 

Ben wasn’t even marginally shocked by the fact that the halls were empty. At this hour classes had been out for nearly an hour and only those who had extra rehearsal times would still be skulking about. He walked briskly and found himself by the elevator when  he noticed the muffled sound of a piano somewhere behind him. A part of him felt compelled to investigate, but he ignored it in favor of pressing the down arrow. The rest of him took over before the elevator offered a soft ‘ding’. Without a single look stolen back to the open doors, he began hunting for the room containing this mystery pianist. He couldn’t make out what song was being played, but he found himself drawn by the complex use of dynamics. The song seemed to grow with a tremendous amount of emotion before sinking to a near silent set of notes that left him with a hollow hole in his chest. Just before he could pick out which room was the source, the piano’s reverb halted entirely and he was left standing dumbstruck in an empty corridor.

 

Making to turn around, he stilled and immediately felt relief when a new song began. The pianist was soon found. Whoever they were they had picked the door in the very farthest right corner of the top floor and they were savoring each second as if they feared the piano might evaporate beneath their fingertips. Emotional artistry was something the professional world often lacked. This pianist played with reckless abandon, not caring if their fingers lingered too long on a beat, not caring if the lift of their pedal wasn’t precise, only caring to express something deep. Ben could tell that they weren’t classically trained, but the raw talent was overwhelming. Never in his life had he ever considered taking on a student, but the longer this mournful melody trekked on, the more he was beginning to like the idea.

 

As quietly as possible, Ben pushed the door open and peeked his head inside. He wasn’t prepared for the rush of sound that engulfed him, nor was he prepared for the waiflike wonder who was lording over the piano with an ethereal abandon. She was like something from a childhood dream, soft bronze skin dusted with freckles, hazel eyes that emoted with intensity, a slender frame that bobbed and bounced, all wrapped up in a brown sweater as she gave herself to the song, soul, mind and body. Brown hair was tied up into a messy bun at the very top of her head, many stray pieces resting against her neck and brushing along her cheeks and ears as she allowed the song to guide her body to the beat. Above all of her damning good looks was the way her fingers danced over the keys with the grace of a professional. He couldn’t decide which task held more of his focus, watching her fingers lay claim to the keys, or trying to decipher just how many different colors made up the flecks in her eyes.

 

_ Fuck. _

 

He hadn’t known he was holding his breath until the melancholy tune she was playing came to an abrupt stop and her eyes flicked towards the door. That held breath was then forcibly ripped from his lungs as she scrambled skittishly from the piano bench and started to gather up her phone and a tan colored messenger bag. The very sight of him had startled her. It would seem no matter how many years he added to his age and how expensive his dress pants became, he still terrified women without even trying. 

 

“I didn’t know anyone was here. It’s usually empty at this hour. I’m very sorry if I was interrupting your practice.” Words were rushed as they fell from her lips, all meshed together with a pleasantly posh edge to them.  _ God help him she had an accent too. _

 

For half a second he was at an entire loss for words, but he recovered soon enough that he could make an attempt to salvage conversation before she was more than a few steps away from the piano. “No, no, no, you’re fine. I wasn’t practicing anything. I’m not a student here,” He paused. “I’m on campus to prepare for a workshop I’ll be teaching and I ended up staying later than intended. I apologize if  _ I  _ interrupted  _ your  _ rehearsing.”

 

Her bag was set back down beside the bench and soon enough she too was plopped back upon the shiny black perch. “Well, I didn’t grow up in polite society exactly, but I do know that staring at a girl through a crack in the door is incredibly terrifying and not the best way to go about initiating interaction.” Her smile was absolutely blinding, all teeth and sparkling eyes. 

 

“I wouldn’t say I grew up in ‘polite’ society either, but I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable and I really do apologize if I did.” Ben leaned against the door and watched her as she began to dig around in her bag. “I’ve never heard that song you were playing just now. You played it with such vigor that I couldn’t help but get rapt in. Is it your own composition?”

 

A snort of a laugh came from the girl and she shook her head with the most incredulous sort of delight in her eyes. “No, no. I guess I should have guessed by the looks of you that you wouldn’t know it. That doesn’t seem like your kind of genre Mr…” 

 

She trailed off and he caught her hint. “Ben. Ben Solo.”

 

“Well, Ben, I’ll have to play the actual song for you some time. I can almost guarantee you’ll hate it.” She began writing something down and didn’t offer her name in reply to his. “The piano has a way of making just about anything sound pretentious.”

 

Ben couldn’t stop himself from laughing then. When his laughter finally died out he found comfortable quiet in its place. Reading social cues fell near the very bottom of his talents and for a moment he thought that might be the place where he should casually dip out of conversation and leave her to return to what she was doing. But he was too curious to let it go so instead he asked a question. “So are you a student here at Alderaan University?”

 

“Something like that.” She didn’t miss a beat as she placed her pen back into her bag and folded the paper she was holding. “You said you were teaching a workshop, right? What does our friendly neighborhood lurker hold his expertise in?”

 

Ben fought back a huff at her little jab. “This neighborhood lurker isn’t exactly known for his friendliness. What he is known for, however, is his piano prowess. I have four studio albums and have performed in all sorts of concert halls from low profile stadiums to accompanying orchestras that play for queens.” 

 

“Ah! So you’re a piano nerd.” There was a playfulness to her teasing that had his heart tugging in odd ways. That sort of familiarity was odd, especially from a girl who he’d only met and still didn’t have a name for. “I guess it makes sense that you’d be lurking in the doorway then. I’m sorry if I offended you with my--” A chipper chime came from her phone and she got up to her feet without finishing whatever it was that she was going to say. “It appears you’ve been saved by the bell, Ben.” Opening the door right beside the one he was leaning on, she placed her folded piece of paper in the pocket of his shirt, flashed him a disarming smile, and left without another word.

 

Awestruck and blinking, Ben reached for the paper the second she was gone from his sight. Unfolding it with care, he found three letters surrounded by a handful of doodled daisies; ‘Rey’.  Somehow he couldn’t imagine a name more fitting and he cursed himself for hoping that he might see her again soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to say hi and come have a chat with me over on [Tumblr](https://reyloscum.tumblr.com)
> 
> Classic song Ben was playing: [Rachmaninoff - Piano Concerto No. 1](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hFSfv8MUgIg)  
> Piece written by Anakin that Ben was playing: [John Williams - Across The Stars](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KyFBVWRamLU) (NotSorry)  
> Song Rey was playing in the distance: [Halsey - Ghost (Piano by musicmancooper)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tT1ivwR5hM8)  
> Song Rey was playing when Ben was creepily in the doorway: [The Weeknd - The Hills (Piano by Anna Unterreiner)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-WeCt67DlE)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is unbetaed due to schedule conflicts. Please feel free to point out any errors!

Hope was a disastrous thing. Believing something unlikely will happen doesn’t actually change the odds. In the end, being hopeful only makes it hurt more when the inevitable occurs. Ben did his best not to get his hopes up when he showed up for class the next day. Realistically, he knew that the chances of her being a student in his workshop were slim to none. It was absolutely ridiculous that he had spent as much time as he had looking over the class roster. There was a Ray on the list, but no Rey. 

 

Even with hours of telling himself she wouldn’t be there and many mental battles over why it was probably for the best that she wasn’t, Ben was incredibly disappointed to find that she was, in fact, not one of his students. It was a blessing that she wasn’t sitting among his students. If she were watching him intently and taking notes like most of the young musicians on the risers then he wouldn’t have been able to focus on anything else. This was what he was telling himself at least to try and ease the sting. 

 

Class went well, better than he had assumed it would go, and that managed to steer his mind away from Rey. He was pleased to find that the majority of the students who signed up were genuinely interested in the subject matter. By the time he’d finished the day’s material and the students had trickled out of the classroom it was already evening. Ben was in the middle of gathering the scores when his phone began to buzz in his pocket. Grumbling under his breath, he fished the Iphone free and begrudgingly answered.

 

“What do you want?” He held the phone to his ear with his shoulder and got back to gathering his things.

 

“Christ, Ren, this is precisely why you’re lacking in friends.” Armitage didn’t sound the slightest bit irritated by the lack of patience he received, if anything he was amused. “I was just calling to ask if you’ve booked your flight yet. I assume you have come to your senses and have informed Mrs. Organa-Solo that she’ll have to find someone else for her little workshop.”

 

Ben gave a groan as he locked his briefcase shut and moved his hand to hold his phone. “You know I’m not leaving until this workshop is over. I don’t have anything booked for another month out. I already talked this over with Phasma and she said it wasn’t an issue. Unlike some of her other clients, Phasma knows she doesn’t have to babysit me to be sure I’m around for work.” Making his way to the door, he found himself feeling smug as he added that last bit.

 

“I was fifteen minutes late to  **one** concert. Millie required emergency veterinary care. I don’t have to explain myself to the man who refused to play a venue because their piano was a baby grand.” The ginger clicked his tongue and gave a breathy laugh. “I suppose I can’t blame you too thoroughly for that, I never have to play on an instrument that isn’t my own.”

 

Armitage and Ben shared a manager who did all their concert and studio booking. They didn’t often perform together despite the fact that piano and violin were a classic combination. No matter how many times they attempted to learn pieces together things always ended up going south quickly. Both had a very distinctive style and just spent the duration of the song trying to outdo one another. After a horrible attempt at a Christmas album that ended in them owing the studio a couple thousands dollars in repairs, Phasma decided for her own mental health that they weren’t ever going to collaborate again. Despite their inability to work together, Armitage was Ben’s closest friend.

 

“That damn feline is a terror.” Ben liked to limit his interactions with Millicent to the bare minimum. The orange tabby easily weighed more than a healthy toddler and shed far worse than any dog. In short, she was the absolute worst. “Anyway, I’ll let you know when I have an official flight date.”

 

Armitage paused, as if deciding whether or not he was going to get into this argument, and then opted to ignore the remark about his cat. “Has she demanded your presence at the dinner table yet?”

 

It was Ben’s turn to pause. Partially because he was busying himself with opening the door, and partially because he didn’t want to discuss family politics. “Yes. I told her I’d show up at some point before I leave again. I’m not enthused at the prospect of seeing Han.”

 

“You can’t be so daft that you think you can avoid your own father forever, Ren.” There was a laugh that accompanied his words, words that were almost pitying. “Well, I suppose I should let you get back to… whatever it is you do when you visit that place.”

 

Ben’s eyes rolled. “Goodbye, Armitage.”

 

The line went dead and he instantly regretted cutting their conversation short. Without the gloating ginger speaking into his ear he didn’t have anything to stop him from walking down the hall to find the room Rey had been in the night before. Were he on the phone he likely would have just gone home. But without something in place to stop him, Ben slipped his phone back into his pocket and pushed open the familiar double doors.

 

Disappointment surged in him just like it had when he’d stepped into his classroom two hours prior. For the second time that day he found the room void of the brunette and her dazzling smile. It irritated him to no end that he was feeling honest frustration over a woman he knew literally nothing about. Not that he hadn’t tried to learn about her. There wasn’t much one could search with nothing but a first name. 

 

When he stormed out of the room, he swore to himself that he’d never think about the girl again. She wasn’t worth all this frustration. His late piano teacher, Mr. Snoke, would have told him that she was a distraction and wasn’t going to bring him any benefit anyhow. Pining was best left to school boys, something he hadn’t been in over half a decade. She’d already expressed that she thought of piano as pretentious. She wasn’t the right match for him. She wasn’t a part of his world.

 

The loud ‘ding’ of the elevator caused his eyes to snap upwards and every bitter thought he had left his head. There she stood in all her glory, her hair in that same sloppy bun  and her eyes looking to the side distantly. Accompanying her bun was a pair of oversized headphones that covered her ears entirely. Her fingers were toying with a small vape mod box. The yellow contraption was so small that he could have placed two in his palm with ease. It was when his gaze drifted to the device that Rey looked up and made an alarmed noise, clambering to push her headphones down and step out of the elevator.

 

“I promise I don’t use it in the building,” Instantly, the girl began explaining herself. The vape was tucked into the pocket of her jeans and she picked at the hem of her monochrome striped shirt. “It hasn’t got any nicotine in it or anything. I use it as an aid for my… anxiety. I fill it with BPD liquid and--”

 

Ben lifted a hand and gave her a reassuring smile. He was sure that there was a story that went with all this, but he was also sure that it wasn’t one she needed to be telling a stranger. “I don’t believe it’s against school policy to have one on campus. The professors smoke all the time.”

 

Her smile was blinding and he felt himself tightening his grip on his briefcase. Her relief was clear, those hazel eyes brightening and her posture relaxing. She didn’t need to voice her thanks because it could be felt and it was overwhelming enough in nonverbal form. 

 

“I was going to go play the piano for a little while. You’re welcome to come and stand uncomfortably in the doorway and watch if you’d like.” She slipped past him and began making her way to the room he’d just left.

 

Ben turned on his heels. “Do I have to stay in the doorway or am I allowed to perhaps venture into the actual room?” A grin graced his lips as he caught up to her.

 

“I don’t know, Ben, that really depends on whether or not you think you can handle that much.” Her giggle made his throat constrict and the casual way she spoke his name made his ears heat up. He thanked some higher power that his hair covered them.

 

Holding the door open for her, he watched her walk into the room as he spoke. “I think I’m tough enough. We’ll just have to see.” 

 

She sat down at the piano bench and then reached for the headphones that were resting around her neck. Carefully removing them, she set them at her side on the bench. She was just about to play a song when her eyes went wide with realization and she bolted back up onto her feet. “Wait!” She cried. “I have to show you the song I was playing yesterday for you.”

 

Ben, who was standing a few feet from the piano, rose a single brow. “The song you were insistent that I’d hate?”

 

“The very one.” Digging her phone from her pocket, she began flicking her fingers along the screen. She had determination in her eyes. Ben found himself fascinated by the way golden flecks were illuminated by the small square of light. “Here we are.”

 

Plucking the headphones off the bench, she stepped up to him. She was fairly tall for a woman so she had little struggle in reaching upwards to slide the contraption over his ears. There was such an ease on her side of the action and it was contrasted heavily by the way he felt his body tighten at the close proximity. He could smell something sweet on her as she leaned in to ensure that her headphones were secured.

 

“Are you ready?” She inquired a handful of seconds after stepping backwards. There was an odd look on her face as she sized him face, something between amusement and wonder. When Ben supplied her with a nod, Rey watched him with roguish glee and then pressed play on her phone.

 

Ben instantly agreed with what she had told him the night before. The song started with pulsed synthesizer accompanied by a male vocalist making some incoherent sound a handful of times. As the song progressed there was literal screaming in the background while loud bass and the same simple synth riff played. The song seemed to be detailing an illicit affair and he found the lyrics were uncouth at best and needlessly graphic at worse. His face must have twisted with distaste because when he looked back towards Rey she was holding her sides and laughing. He couldn’t hear her over the loud ‘music’ that was assaulting his ears. There was no question in his mind that he would have found the sound of her far more melodic than whatever this was.

 

Rey waved her arms in a gesture that suggested removing the headphones. Fingers wiped invisible tears from the corners of her eyes as she settled into a faint snicker. Ben was careful about pulling her headphones off, he didn’t want to damage them, but he also didn’t want his hair to part and reveal his ears. He wasn’t ready to cross that bridge in their relationship just yet.

 

“Rey,” He began slowly as he returned her audio device. “You are boundlessly talented to have turned that abomination into something appealing.”

 

An ungraceful snort came from the freckled woman. “That song is a masterpiece. The Weeknd has a talent for storytelling and his songs capture a melancholy but distinctive mood.” Seating herself onto the bench, she pat the spot beside her. “Sit with me. I have an idea.”

 

Dumbstruck by the offer, Ben blinked at least three times more than necessary before obliging and sitting beside her. Piano benches were not large and even though he was only partially perched on it he still felt her arm graze his as she brought her fingers to the keys. “A game?”

 

“Yes,” She drummed her fingers over the ivory colored keys too lightly to make a sound. “I’m going to play a section a songs. You’ll then tell me whether or not you think you’ll like the original. If you’re right then you win, if you’re wrong then I win. I’ll play three different songs and the winner can pick a prize of their choice.” 

 

Well wasn’t she just full of surprises. “Alright, you’re on, Rey.” Ben regarded her carefully. “What exactly is the purpose of this game?”

 

“To prove that you’re bias and stuck up.” She spoke the words with absolute mirth. “See, I said it once and I’ll say it again, the piano makes everything sound so posh. But it’s not the piano that makes the song good. The song was good before I played it, you just failed to see that because you expect your music to sound a certain way and shun anything that doesn’t fit your mold.”

 

“Oh?” A laugh caught in his throat. She wouldn’t be the first or the last person to think he was presumptuous. “I suppose that’s one way to look at it. But to say that the instrument it’s played on doesn’t affect the quality is a rather bold opinion.”

 

And so the game began. Rey’s fingers danced over the keys with the same grace they had the night before. A song in the key of D **♭** minor roared to life. This one was wistful and melodic in nature. Though the only instrument being utilized at the moment was the piano, Ben could easily picture what this piece may have sounded like if it were fully orchestrated. She only played a small movement and then came to a sudden stop.

 

“Alright. Song one, Ben.” She picked up her phone and began scrolling as she spoke. “What was your opinion? Do you think you’ll like the original?”

 

He didn’t feel like he needed to think too hard on this one. “Yes. I think I’ll like the original. It sounds almost like it was pulled from a film score. Cinematic and dramatic are good words for it.”

 

Ben tried not to be put off by the glint in her eyes as she offered him the headphones. “Cinematic is a good word for this artist’s style.” 

 

Rey waited to push play until she was entirely sure he was ready. The dark haired man gave her a nod and within a second the soft sound of strings swelled through the headphones. For the first twenty seconds he was certain that he was going to earn a point on this one. When the sultry singer’s voice joined the fray Ben nearly fell off the bench and audibly choked.

 

“Wh-What is this?” Hands hastily removed the headphones and Ben did his best to school the red that was rushing to his face. “Those lyrics are absolutely horrible! That’s…” He felt very old and ridiculous as the girl beside him simply laughed at his reaction.

 

“Cola by Lana Del Rey.” Rey filled him in cheekily. “She’s a favorite artist of mine.”

 

Unsure of what to say, he opened and then closed his mouth three or four times. “Does she write her lyrics herself?”

 

“Usually.” The headphones were set back down and Rey’s slender fingers were once again settled on the piano keys. “Most of them are about being in intense sexual relationships with older men.”

 

The red he had desperately been trying to contain broke the threshold and he felt his ears and cheeks heat. The laugh she gave did very little to ease how flustered he was and he was entirely sure she was aware of that. “Well, I guess that’s one point for you. I can’t say I ever want to hear that song again.”

 

Rey shook her head slowly, her smile never failing. The next song began and Ben instantly recognized it. She played it with a softness that could melt just about any heart. It was written to convey a message of emotional wonder, the feeling that comes with realizing all at once that infatuation has struck. She does that more justice than the original could have ever dreamed. Her dark eyelashes fluttered shut as she swayed to the beat. He found himself with an unresolved feeling in his chest when she stopped.

 

Still in his reverie he spoke lightly. “There isn’t any need to ask whether or not I will like the original because I do. My father was a fan of the movie Top Gun so I’ve heard it more times than I can count.” 

 

Rey hesitated. Something crossed through her eyes and she took in a measured breath before speaking. “So does that mean you like the song?”

 

“I do.” Ben moved his gaze to fall entirely on her face, dark eyes collecting every minor detail of her. “But I think you may have just ruined any version but your own for me.”

 

The girl’s cheeks colored pink for a fraction of a second before she abruptly turned her head from him. He’d never seen something so beautiful in the whole of his life. “That’s one for one then.” Her accented voice was strangely soft. He didn’t think he’d heard her so unsure before and it made him feel guilty. She was too lovely to ever feel that way. 

 

The urge to show her how phenomenal she was struck him like a typhoon, but he didn’t want to come on too strong and scare her off either. “Whenever you’re ready.” Ben attempted to coax her in an encouraging manner.

 

Rey waited a good number of moments before she played her final song. She kept her eyes closed and her fingers lingering on the keys. Ben tried not to let his anticipation get the best of him as counted the silent seconds that past. The song that came once his wait was over was overwhelmingly sad. Embellished notes were played slowly and her foot sunk against the pedal to prolong the ringing chords. He felt that this piece was equal parts sad and reflective and when he stole glance towards her face that feeling was amplified. 

 

This time she faded out slowly, her eyes opening to give him a sideways glance. Rey was wearing her very best poker face now. “Here we are, Ben Solo. Yes or no?”

 

His pinky finger flexed and his eyes narrowed a touch as he put some real thought into this. After a good long moment of deliberation, he nodded. “Yes. I think I’ll go with yes.”

 

She wasn’t giving any hints as she picked up the headphones and offered them to him. For reasons he couldn’t place, he was suddenly nervous to hear the actual song. It couldn’t be worse than the first one. Then he was wondering what he could possibly ask her for if he won. All these things were stopped when his ears filled with percussion and a male voice. The tempo was faster than he’d expected and when synth and bass joined the mix he found himself even further perplexed. This sounded absolutely nothing like the song she’d just played for him.

 

For her part, Rey watched him closely as if she couldn’t tell what his opinion was. They locked eyes as the strange elevator music layered with lyrics about missing a booty call surrounded him. She was so confusing. He couldn’t fathom how she found beauty in this odd mix of sounds and he was absolutely dazzled by it. Her lips quirked into a smile at the corners when he didn’t pull his gaze away and then she leaned forwards and slid the headphones from his ears.

 

Ben watched her gaze move from his eyes to his ears and he silently pleaded for death. Jerkily moving his hands to fix his hair to cover those horrible appendages, he was once again at war with the rising heat of embarrassment. 

 

“Sooooo?” She cut into the moment. If she thought his ears were silly or suddenly thought his already tragic face was even worse she didn’t show any physical signs of it.  _ At least she’s polite. _

 

“I believe, Rey,” Ben cleared his throat and sat upright. “That you have won our little game.”

 

“Aaaaww. Drake’s not really your thing either?” Nudging him playfully with her shoulder, Rey was absolutely glowing with delight over her victory. Try as he might, Ben couldn’t bring himself to be upset over his loss. “Just you wait, I’m sure it’ll grow on you.”

 

“Like a fungal infection.” He deadpanned.

 

Her laugh was so abrupt as it bubbled up through her throat and Ben felt a satisfied smirk decorate his lips. He was terrible with most girls, but somehow he found himself comfortably conversing and laughing beside her. She gave him a fond look and was about to say something when her phone buzzed on the bench beside her. He felt the rumbling in his core and his smirk faltered.

 

“Oh. That’s my cue.” Rey picked up her headphone and secured them around her neck. 

 

“Ah, ah, ah, not so fast,” He rose a finger. “I don’t like owing debts. You won, so you get to request something of me.”

 

Rey was standing beside him but he remained seated. She seemed to be weighing her options. “I’d like you to promise me that you’ll be here tomorrow as well. I had a lot of fun with you today.”

 

Blinking once, Ben shook his head as a smile spread across his features. “I promise, Rey. I’ll be here any evening you ask.”

 

She looked delighted and then concerned and then content. Before Ben could make a comment about the flash of emotions her phone was buzzing again. “Well, I really have to go. See you tomorrow, Ben!” 

 

So quickly, she was out the door and he was once again alone in the practice room with a million questions he feared may never get answers. But once again he didn’t exactly mind it either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to say hi and come have a chat with me over on [Tumblr](https://reyloscum.tumblr.com)  
> The original version of the song she was playing in the last chapter: [The Weeknd - The Hills](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yzTuBuRdAyA)  
> The first song of their game: [Lana Del Rey - Cola](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X34RO0zfA4Y) || [Piano Version (Arr MusicTewns) ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3YjdQ0UbZo)  
> The second song of their game: [Berlin - Take My Breath Away](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QARc5r5GC9w)  
> The third song of their game: [Drake - Hotline Bling](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxpDa-c-4Mc) || [Piano Version (Arr The Theorist)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hNMMa69laFM)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO overwhelmed by the love you guys have been giving me in the form of comments and kudos and follows. I didn't expect much traction on such a specific and odd AU idea and my little heart just can't take the warmth y'all have offered. I plan on getting two chapters out next week if possible! <3

Sitting side by side on Thursday evening, Ben couldn't tear his eyes away as Rey danced her fingers down the keyboard. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so dumbstruck by another person and it made him feel ridiculous. There was a constant mental grappling when she cast smiles his way. He was trying to convince himself that it was just the music that kept him interested, that raw talent, but realistically he knew that it was also her stunning personality and the way she could find hope and beauty in things no one else ever could. Ben was cursed to view the world with a jaded outlook that allowed very little beauty inside. The change of pace was jarring, but he was finding with each passing second that he was going to miss it when they inevitably parted ways.

 

The past pair of days had been a blur. He went to class and immediately afterwards spent about two hours with Rey. It was so hazy and far too pleasant to be true. He couldn’t remember the last time he sat and just listened to someone speak. Rey was so animated and colorful and kept him impossibly engaged despite all odds. It didn’t really matter what she spoke about, anything from what kind of tea she had that morning to philosophical talk of equality and rights, he hung on every word. _God, he had it bad._

 

The song she had been playing came to a close. It had been pleasant to listen to but he was sure that he wouldn’t want to hear the original. For a moment he thought she might not continue playing as she gained a pensive expression and looked forwards. A hum fell from her lips after a few moments and she began to play a song he was actually familiar with. It was ten years old and used to play on the radio when we was still attending university. Had it not been for his roommate he likely wouldn’t have ever heard it but he was suddenly feeling as though he needed to thank Dameron because he suddenly had an idea.

 

Experimentally, Ben lifted his right hand and hovered his fingers above the keys. His eyes caught hers before she curiously looked downwards. He replicated what she had begun playing, carrying it down the octave, and watched with a half smirk as her eyes widened. She was quick to catch onto what he was doing and pulled her hands from the keys so she could reposition them. Not a beat was missed and she quickly began embellishing the melody line above him. Their heads nodded at the same tempo and the song echoed through the practice room.

 

Playing with her was more surreal than all the events of the past few days combined. He didn’t recall the entirety of the song but he found it easy to watch and replicate. From time to time she would throw him a glance and he’d adopt the melody. He was playing at the lower register and she would play elaborate accompaniment higher on the keyboard before they’d ease back to their original arrangement with him playing the steady bassline and allowing her to truly shine.

 

Their shoulders brushed lightly a number of times and despite the innocence of it it he felt an incisive intimacy born there.  As if they were on the same wavelength, they shared a synergy in their improvisation that he’d never had with anyone else. As with any improvisation, it wasn’t refined and perfect. They weren’t always playing in perfect synchronisation, but beyond the music that fell from them both was a palpable feeling of rightness that came with being at her side on this piano bench. Collaborations weren’t something he ever did in his professional life and he felt for the first time that he had truly met his match.

 

Rey was smiling brighter than the sun as they brought the song to an end. “That was so much fun! I’ve never played with another person before.” The brunette took her hands from the piano and looked up at the ceiling. “I’ve never had any formal training. Or well, any training. I play by ear and I’m absolute rubbish at reading sheet music. That makes it a bit tricky to play with a partner. Improvisation is my strongest suit.”

 

“You play entirely by ear? Without any training?” He felt his eyes widen as his fingers twitched where they rested. “That’s extraordinary.”

 

Hazel eyes rolled and her shoulders relaxed. “You’re so dramatic, Ben. It’s really not all that. Plenty of people play by ear.”

 

“Well, yes, most people trained in musical theory can pick out a tune. But what you do is much more complicated than that. Don’t sell yourself short. Piano improvisation that sounds complete takes years of practice and just like any other art form it’s never truly perfected.”

 

“You’re incredible.” Rey cut talk of herself short and looked up at him with wonder. “I know you said you had a few albums, but I’d never actually heard you play until now. I’m suddenly understanding why they brought you out here to teach.”

 

Ben had been told a million times that he was skilled, he knew it to be an irrefutable fact, but that didn’t stop his chest from tightening when he heard it from her. “Thank you. I’m sure you could be just as incredible if you had someone to guide you. You have so much raw talent. So much potential.” His brown eyes bore into her hazel ones, purpose filling him. “I could show you. I could you teach you, Rey.”

 

Each passing second was torture as Rey met his eyes but didn’t speak a word. A number of emotions seemed to flicker through the flecks of gold and green in her eyes. Ben worried he’d been too direct. He didn’t want to make her feel pressured into his teachings and he didn’t want to scare her off. The silence and their stare were not going to be broken by him, he feared speaking further but he wasn’t about to backtrack either.

 

It was very slowly that she turned her head, effectively cutting off eye contact. “I can’t really afford to pay for lessons right now, and I don’t really think the classic scene is for me. But…” Rey gave him a sideways glance and graced him with a smile. “I’ll think about it.”

 

“You wouldn’t have to pay me. It would be something I did because I wanted to, not because I had to. Your time would be payment enough.”

 

Laughing, the girl nudged her shoulder against his. “I wish the education system would take my time as payment.”

 

He tried not to show how tense his shoulders became at her sudden change in proximity. _Keep it professional, Solo._ Adjusting his posture and looking to her from the corner of his eye, Ben spoke flatly. “The education system is corrupt and ridiculous.”

 

A snort left her nose. “I know a thing or two about corrupt systems. I’ve come to discover that most things that are considered a system are far from truly systematic and are, in reality, very self-serving.” The sunshine drained from her as she continued, her smile falling entirely. Ben suddenly wanted to tear apart whoever it was that had made her so bitter, an old instinct he had sworn he was over. “I’m not from Alderaan. I was abandoned at a hospital in the middle of nowhere when I was four years old. My parents left me with nothing but the clothes on my back and this Coruscanti accent. As I’m sure you can infer, I grew up in foster care.”

 

Schooling his face, he hid his displeasure to the very best of his abilities. He wanted to say something but he had nothing to offer. She wouldn’t want anything that sounded even vaguely like lip service, so he stayed quiet.

 

“I won’t bore you with the details of what some of those homes were like, but I will say that a lot happens that the government turns a blind eye to because it’s easier that way.” A sliver of a smile crossed her lips and she cast him a look from under eyelashes. “It wasn’t entirely horrible. It was in one of those foster homes that I played the piano for the very first time. I learned how to take care of myself. I was placed in a stable home when I was sixteen where I met my brother, Finn, and he and I came to Alderaan the minute we were old enough and never looked back.”

 

He could tell there was more to this story, but he wasn’t going to pry. Instead he just gave an understanding nod. “I’m sure it was unpleasant. I know a little bit about an unstable home, but nothing quite like that. I’m glad you didn’t have to go through it all alone.” The words might have been too personal, but he meant them and didn’t take them back.

 

Her eyes rose to meet his quickly, gratitude in them as she placed her hand atop his much larger one. “You don’t have to be alone either, you know?”

 

He felt so exposed. His pinky twitched beneath her touch and his mouth went dry. Was it really that obvious that he was lonely? He never considered himself to be. Ben Solo was a solitary man  who preferred the quiet and peace that came with little company. He was convinced of that. But he also couldn’t deny how quickly he’d latched onto her company. His lips moved without any forethought. “I know.”

 

Rey slipped closer, her head inclining upwards but her gaze never shifting away. Ben forgot how to breathe. He forgot how to think. He forgot how to forget. The world tunneled around him and he felt plagued with panic. Was this really happening? Had she really moved herself closer? Was she going to kiss him? _God, he hoped so._

 

A loud chime had Rey sliding away faster than he could have managed to blink. The sudden emptiness of where her form had been pressed to his side was almost as miserable as the void where her hand had once been on his own. His instincts screamed at him to reach out and draw her back in, but he thought better of it and set his hands in his lap.

 

After she had gotten to her feet and gathered up her messenger bag, the sweater clad girl brushed some loose hairs behind her ear. “Thank you, Ben. For listening. I don’t talk about myself often, but you’ve done a good job at making me feel safe enough to do so. The time we’ve spent together has been really nice.”

 

“Don’t thank me,” Ben rose to his feet as well and followed her to the door. “Just be sure to come back tomorrow.” He held the door open for her, watching her as she left him in the practice room but lingered just outside.

 

“Will you be here?” There was doubt in her voice that made his heart ache.

 

He knew that they were hardly acquainted, but he’d fallen into a routine and she was a massive part of it. “I couldn’t go home without seeing you. It wouldn’t feel right.”

 

The smile she gave him was unbridled and blinding. “See you tomorrow, Ben.”

 

“See you tomorrow, Rey.”

 

* * *

 

And see her tomorrow he certainly did. Her hair only half up, a bun at the back of her head and brown spilling along her shoulders in subtle waves. A pair of loose jeans and a simple grey shirt were coupled with very worn out green sneakers. Her legs laying flat on the floor as she sat with headphones on and her head leaned against the wall, Rey looked like a picture of peace. Ben didn’t even think about how dusty the floor might be as he sunk to sit at her side in dress slacks.

 

Her head leaned against his shoulder and her eyes closed. “Good evening, Mr. Solo. How was class?” She didn’t remove her headphones, but her fingers brushed along her phone screen to pause the sound.

 

“Good. Some of the students are very engaged and have good insight. I’m shocked how much I’ve enjoyed covering the course work with them.” Talking about class was one way to keep him distracted from the feeling of her hair brushing against his neck. “I have some reservations about this university and they clouded my expectations.”

 

“Is it because your father teaches here?” Rey asked in a light tone that contrasted the heavy feeling her question gave him.

 

Ben searched for words for well over a minute. “Han Solo and I are hardly close. It’s been a long time since I’ve really considered him my father.”

 

She didn’t pry further, but she made an odd face. Abruptly, she got to her feet and offered him her hand. “Walk with me?”

 

His hand dwarfed hers as he got to his feet. He thought she would let go once she’d assisted him to his feet, but she didn’t. There were no words exchanged as she tugged him through the hall and down the stairs. He peered towards the elevator but didn’t ask. It was hard to question her when she was so focused. She flashed him a few smiles over her shoulder as she guided him out into the gardens.

 

Dim light came from the rising moon and cast a gentle glow over her freckled cheeks. She freed his hand and sat down on the edge of a marble fountain, patting the spot beside her. “I’ve always liked this fountain. Sometimes I just sit and listen to it, gather my thoughts.”

 

Ben chuckled and sat by her. “When I was very young, I used to sit by this fountain with my grandmother. She would tell me stories while I braided her hair.” His hand lifted and he gave a sweeping motion. “It was her and my grandfather who designed this courtyard. That building was built in his honor after he passed when I was ten.”

 

“Anakin Skywalker is your grandfather?” There was genuine shock in her voice. “Like, ‘Imperial March’ Anakin Skywalker?”

 

“Yes. Leia Organa-Solo is my mother, Luke Skywalker is my uncle.” Ben paused. “How did you know Han Solo was my father if you didn’t know any of this?”

 

“Inference.” Her tongue poked out playfully. “I’ve met Han once or twice. He offered me a job at his auto shop.”

 

“He still runs that thing?” A huffed scoff and a shake of his head came with the words. “Not him. Chewie. There’s no way Han Solo has the time to be fixing cars.”

 

Placing her hand in the space between them, Rey tilted her head to get a better look at him. “You know how to braid hair?”

 

Ben blinked, confused by the abrupt topic change, and then grinned. “Yes. My grandmother said that every man should know how to braid because someday he may have a daughter and every little girl deserves to feel like a princess with pretty braids in her hair.”

 

“I’ve never been able to braid my hair. I’m absolutely terrible at it. My friend Rose has shown me repeatedly. I’m passable at braiding someone else’s hair, but I’m not coordinated enough to do my own.”

 

His grin became a bemused smirk. “Maybe I can teach you how to braid between lessons in music theory and piano technique.”

 

“Professor Solo, PhD in hair design.” Her eyes closed as she laughed, her head tilting back and her shoulders shaking. “How ever do the ladies resist you?”

 

“Easily.” He remarked dryly.

 

Her laughter tapered off and she leaned a little closer. “I doubt that. You’re tall, dark, and mysterious. Every fourteen year old girl dreams of one day meeting their very own Ben Solo.” Her eyebrows wiggled playfully. “Additionally, you play an instrument which makes you instantly twice as sexy as you might have been initially.”

 

“I tend to prefer my women to be well… women.” His head shook. “I’ve never been good with the opposite gender. Even when I was still in the appropriate age range for said fourteen year old girls.”

 

“That’s alright. I never had any interest in dating when I was younger. I didn’t have the time or the self loathing to indulge in a high school fling that would just end in me feeling inadequate. I couldn’t handle the thought of one more person leaving me…” He felt the warmth of her before he saw that she’d closed more space between them.

 

“I can’t imagine how anyone could want to leave you, Rey. You’re so… luminous. There’s so much good in you and despite everything you’ve been through you find some way to look at the world and find beauty.” When he tilted his head down to look her in the eyes, their noses nearly brushed.

 

“A pianist and a poet.” The stars were sparkling in her eyes and through the dusting of freckles on her cheeks he swore he saw a blush. “Are you even real?”

 

Laughter took him and he had to lean away slightly. “A poet? I wouldn’t say that. I used to write terrible lyrics when I was younger. I learned quickly that I much prefer musical expression to verbal expression. Words are much easier to fuck up.”

 

“Ben Solo! Did you just curse?” Jumping to her feet, Rey placed her hands on her hips. “This is a damn nice place and shitty language like that reflects poorly on the rest of the staff.”

 

“Good thing I’m not a real teacher then.” His elbow sat on his knee and his chin rested on his palm. “Because this place fucking sucks.”

 

Rey was beaming, barely suppressing her amused snickers. “I thought you liked the garden? You said earlier that you had good memories here.”

 

Now Ben got to his feet. “I do like the garden. Would you like to see my favorite part?”

 

Eagerly, she nodded. “Yes!”

 

Unlike her, he wasn’t bold enough to reach for her hand. He walked at a slow pace so she’d have no trouble following. They moved beyond the large fountain and through the carefully trimmed shrubbery littered with dahlia flower beds. A few yards behind the building was a large oak tree. A few leaves had begun to shift from a deep green to a vibrant orange, Autumn’s chill beginning to take its yearly toll.

 

“They almost chopped down this tree.” He chanced a few words without looking back at her.

 

Rey had gotten quiet again. Standing at his side beneath the large tree with a thoughtful expression on her face. After a moment she looked over at him. “Why?”

 

“When they redid the landscaping they didn’t feel like it fit the tone they were looking for. My grandmother insisted that Anakin would have wanted it to stay. He used to sit under it with a composition book and hum to himself new songs.” He turned his glance from the tree to the girl at his side.

 

“You really look up to him, don’t you?”

 

Her question seemed abrupt, but he answered it with a nod. “I do.”

 

“Thank you for showing this to me and for being so honest. It’s a nice change.” Rey craned her neck so she could place a small kiss on his cheek. Sparks ignited in him, sending a pleasant heat down his spine but freezing him where he stood.

 

Their eyes locked the moment she pulled away. Ben was at a loss for words all over again. Where he lost his courage Rey seemed to find it and leaned up to press her lips carefully over his. It was a cautious kiss, but it wasn’t shy. Her hand rose up to rest on his chest as he instinctively cupped her cheek. His eyes sunk to a close and he let the brief kiss entirely devour his senses. She tasted like mint lip balm and something sweet that he couldn’t quite place.

 

When she sunk back onto her heels, pulling her lips free of his so she could breathe, Ben traced the pad of his thumb down the length of her cheek and across her lips. “Rey…”

 

“Nobody has ever said my name the way you do.” She barely spoke above a whisper.

 

“And how is that?”

 

“Like it’s the most important thing you’ll ever say.”

 

HIs lips found hers again. This time he bent at the shoulders so she could stay grounded. “That’s because it is.” He murmured against her mouth as he looped his arms around her waist.

 

She had only just managed to wrap her arms around his neck when her phone chimed in her back pocket. She audibly groaned as she pulled away from him and was oblivious to the way it made his heart freeze in his chest. “I guess the timing is slightly better than yesterday.”

 

Ben kissed her forehead lightly. “I wanted to throw that thing so badly.”

 

Her laughter buzzed through him. “You and me both.” Rey was reluctant, but she did take a step back. “I really do have to go. But I’ll see you again, right?”

 

“I’ll be here on Monday, but I’m not teaching over the weekend.” There was a pause. “Let me see your phone?”

 

She placed the small Android device in his hand and he carefully added himself to her contacts. He handed it back to her and she grinned. “My phone is now booty call enabled. Nice.” Ben sputtered and felt his cheeks heat up. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I’ll text you later so you have my number too.” Before he could say anything else she pecked his cheek and then dashed back towards the building they’d come from.

 

It took him the entire drive home to feel like he’d regained some amount of his composure. She was too good to be true. A girl who saw so much good in everything was the only girl who could possibly see anything in him. He spent his dinner trying to figure out some way to undo this evening. He would only disappoint her if they tried to go forward like this. But when his phone chimed(repeatedly) and he read her messages, Ben gave up all his delusions of escape.

 

> \- **Unknown Number** | **9:27 PM** -
> 
>      
> 
> _Hey Ben, It’s Rey!_
> 
>  
> 
> _This is me booty call enabling your phone as well ;)_
> 
>  
> 
> _God that winky face made it sound much worse than it was meant to_
> 
>  
> 
> _Not that I'm against a booty call_
> 
>  
> 
> _Christ_
> 
>  
> 
> _I'm crawling into bed before I die of embarrassment_

 

>   
>  \- **Ben** | **9:34 PM** -
> 
>   _  
> Goodnight, Rey.  
>  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to say hi and come have a chat with me over on [Tumblr](https://reyloscum.tumblr.com)  
> The song Rey is playing at the very beginning: [The Killers - Miss Atomic Bomb(Arr Richard Kittelstad)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szkG_64s_B0)  
> Their Duet (A bit less polished of course): [Coldplay - Viva La Vida (Arr Claudio Silvestri) ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vsMTV4Pkh2o)  
> 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT: I have added a few new tags to reflect some things in this chapter. None of it is super explicit but please tread carefully. 
> 
> This chapter was incredibly hard for me to write. I had been planning it from the start, but it really took something out of me and I slaved over it. My beta reader is a gift and she helped me through, but please know that I did my best to be mindful. We've had a lot of fluff, it's time for some angst. Strap in, loves.

The worst thing about being in town for a short amount of time was not knowing how much food to purchase. Ben didn’t want to buy too much and then be annoyed at how much money he’d wasted on produce, but under-purchasing meant more trips to the store. If he could cut back on outings that would be ideal. Too many people knew him and would want to talk; he had less than no interest in talking to them. His quick fix for this issue was to simply order delivery any time he was hungry. This tactic got very old very fast because Ben really wasn’t fond of junk food. He’d much rather eat a salad than a slice of pizza that was more grease than cheese. And god only knew what ingredients were used in chinese takeout. If he had to choke down one more piece of questionable orange chicken he was going to lose his mind.

 

Saturday came and Ben had to face the music. He wasn’t going to survive if he didn’t go to the store and buy proper food. At the age of thirty-three he had no excuse for not cooking and he knew it. He was, in fact, a very proficient chef and wasn’t doing himself any favors ordering from places with wonderful names like “China Lilli” and “Pizza Pie On The Fly”.

 

In an attempt to minimize the amount of traffic and the amount of familiar faces he might run into, Ben set out for the store at exactly eight in the morning in the middle of a rainstorm. His store of choice was a dinky corner grocer that was guaranteed to be free of anyone under the age of fifty. Ugly patterns of green and white checkers decorated the walls and a dingy off white tile made up the flooring. Worn down signs with cracked lettering hung from the ceiling to announce what was in each aisle. Basket in hand, Ben was brisk about selecting the produce he needed. The idea was to get in and out before anyone else came in.

 

The produce was fresh and he was pleasantly surprised when he found that they had everything on his list. Pricing at places like this were always horribly hit and miss, but that wasn’t a real issue for him. Before he knew it he was making his way back to the checkouts and then heading towards the door with two plastic bags in one hand and his umbrella in the other. He was thinking about how successful his trip had been when a voice to the left of him made him freeze up.

 

“B-- Kylo! Is that you, kid?” Lando Calrissian called with a grin on his lips.

 

Had it been seven years prior, Ben would have been incredibly grateful for the careful adjustment of name. But Kylo Ren was a coping tactic he didn’t need anymore. “Ben.” He corrected as evenly as possible.

 

“Ah! Good to have you back, Benny-Boy.” The elder man clapped a hand onto Ben’s shoulder and he visibly recoiled. Lando meant well, he always meant well. “It’s good to see you. What’s it been? About half a decade now? I hope you haven’t made your mother wait that long to see you.”

 

“She and I have spoken.” Fingers were tensing on his basket’s handle. “I didn’t expect to see you in town, Lando.” _There must be some sap to swindle._

 

Smiling that winning smile of his, Lando looked like a million bucks even at the ripe age of sixty-seven. Ben had thought himself overdressed in a button down and jeans, but his father’s friend was wearing an egg shell blue velvet smoking jacket with a black shirt, a white bow tie, and neatly pressed slacks. He looked better suited for a press event than a casual Saturday morning errand run. “I was passing through and your father said I should stay for a day. I’m here to pick up a fruit platter and some flowers. I wouldn’t dream of visiting your mother’s house empty handed. A good hostess deserves courteous guests.” A hand was waved lightly. “But enough about me. How are you doing, Ben? Finally feeling like yourself again?”

 

“I’m fine.” Despite how brisk he was being, the elder man seemed entirely unphased. _Leave me alone._

 

“I’m sure that your mother and father are beyond overjoyed that you’ve recovered. Han didn’t go more than a few days without talking about how hard it was to see you go through all that. He really missed you, kid. You have us all a real scare. He was worried that ‘Kylo Ren’ may have been more than just a phase.” His head shook lightly. “Of course, we would’ve been fine if that was the case. Every has to cope in their own ways, afterall.”

 

His vision blurred, his left eye twitched, and Ben Solo felt ready to vomit. A flood of things he had locked away were sweeping through his system. “Han Solo never knew me well enough to miss me.”

 

“Hey now, you know that’s not true. He knew more than you might think. I know you two never shared similar hobbies, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t notice or care about you. Your dad isn’t the most socially skilled guy. He really beat himself up when it all came out.” Brown facial features twisted into a concerned expression. _No, please, just stop now._ “Oh, God, sorry. I’m sure you weren’t looking to talk about anything so heavy this early in the morning.”

 

Ben swallowed hard, not speaking a word. It had been a long time since anyone brought up _that_ incident. In the years he spent recovering, it was a topic that was entirely taboo. Kylo Ren was volatile and didn’t react well to triggers, even accidental ones. But Kylo Ren was gone now, a piece of his recovery process that was necessary but no longer needed. Ben Solo wasn’t going to get violent, he was better than that. “I have to go.” He croaked out.

 

With an agility he didn’t know he possessed, he moved to the sliding doors before Lando could reply. His umbrella was entirely forgotten until he felt rain cling to his hair and clothing. None of it was paid any mind as he charged through the parking lot. Fumbling with his keys, it took him three attempts before he managed to unlock his car. After the lights flashed, illuminating the gloomy morning downpour, Ben climbed into the driver’s seat plastic bags and all.

 

“Ten.” His voice trembled, audible only to himself as pelting rain hit the roof of his car.

 

_“Senator Organa-Solo! Senator Organa-Solo! What’s your statement on the matter? How is your son handling the news? Is it true that your son was also a victim of his abuse?” Reporters cornered his mother the moment she got out of the car, flocking to her like vultures to a carcass._

 

_“No comment.” Was repeated over and over from her lips as she guided her fifteen year old son by the shoulder. His mind raced with questions of his own, all of which he wasn’t sure he truly wanted an answer to._

 

“Nine.”

 

_“We never should have let him go to that hokey piano teacher.” Han Solo’s voice was scratchy as he took another shot of whiskey. “I should have known he was bad news the minute Ben started obsessing over--”_

 

_“You couldn’t have known, Han.” Luke sounded sympathetic._

 

 _“I hate feeling like this.” Sixteen year old Kylo’s stomach churned. He didn’t need to see the man to know that he was scrunching up his nose and priming to make a gruff sound of displeasure. Of course Han Solo was going to make this all about himself._ **_Everything_ ** _had to be about him. It couldn’t ever been about Kylo’s trauma or guilt, it had to be about Han Solo’s feeling pressured and uncomfortable._

 

_“You can’t blame yourself. You did everything you could.”_

 

_It was lies. It was lies and Luke knew it. Not wanting to listen to another word, Kylo walked away from the doorframe. He had a bag to pack anyway._

 

“Eight.” Thunder crashed. The storm outside was ever growing as he tried to calm the one inside.

 

_Snoke’s hand brushed along Ben’s cheek, wrinkly features twisting into a face that mirrored pride. “Wonderful, Young Solo. The Skywalker legacy is brimming from you.”_

 

_The eleven year old beamed. It had been a year since his grandfather passed and it meant the world for him to hear that a part of him still lived on. “Thank you, sir.”_

 

_He’d thought that the pat to his shoulder was a fatherly gesture then…_

 

“Seven.”

 

 _“I am not a headline! A boy is_ **_dead_ ** _! A boy was_ **_raped_ ** _! And you sick fucks are too busy slandering my mother to care!” Fifteen year old Ben was tired of saying ‘No comment’. He was tired of pretending like he wasn’t sick to stomach. He was tired of letting the press say whatever they wanted. “Andy Snoke is a monster. I hope he fucking dies. But all of you, all of you are nearly as bad as him.”_

 

_Ben entered the courtroom to testify. He spent the majority of the session shaking through sobs at his attorney’s side._

 

“S…” Unsure if it was rain from his hair or tears from his eyes pooling on the produce he no longer wanted to cook, Ben stuttered. “Six.”

 

_“Andy Snoke, you stand accused of one charge of murder in the first degree, one charge of sexual battery, and two charges sexual assault,” The judge kept an impassive face as he spoke to the packed courtroom. “To these offenses what do you plead?”_

 

_The old man didn’t look even an ounce remorseful. He flicked his eyes to Ben, eyes that had once seemed fatherly were now the most terrifying sight he’d ever seen. “Guilty.”_

 

_Life in prison on death row was too kind. Ben wanted to tear his teacher limb from limb and see if maybe then he’d feel remorseful. Dark thoughts for a boy of only fifteen._

 

Lightning flashed. Ben felt his breathing begin to slow back down. “Five.”

 

_“I was next.” Ben trembled, every inch of his restless. “All those years… He had always planned to…” Bile rose fast._

 

_“You don’t know that, Ben. Don’t work yourself up. It’s not helping anyone.” Han was on edge. He didn’t mean the words to sound as callous as they did and moments after speaking them he tried to soften his expression. “Torturing yourself with assumptions like that isn’t good for you. You’re safe now, son.”_

 

 _“I_ **_do_ ** _know that! Why do you have to minimize what I’m feeling? Dr. Kanata says that invalidating my feelings causes more harm than good. You’re paying for the fucking doctor the least you can do is listen when she talks!”_

 

_“Yeah? Well, Maz also said that blaming me isn’t going to fix anything! Don’t yell at me when I’m trying to help!”_

 

_“Han!” Leia shot her husband a glare._

 

_Tension rose as words were cut off. The rest of the ride home from his appointment was silent._

 

“Four.”

 

_“Ben…”_

 

_“Kylo,” The eighteen year old corrected tersely. “Ben Solo has been gone for nearly three years, Luke. You would do well to remember that when you finish getting my enrollment papers in order.”_

 

_The bearded man sighed heavily and rubbed at his temples. There were a number of things that he wanted to say, but whether he kept them to himself because he was told to by his sister or because he had some semblance of self preservation was anyone’s guess._

 

_Kylo Ren attended Alderaan University for seven years._

 

“Three… Two.”

 

_Ben was in the middle of recording a track for his upcoming Christmas album when he got a call from his mother informing him that Snoke’s sentence was carried out that morning. He was executed via electric chair. At thirty years old, Ben Solo was finally free of the weight groomed into him from age six._

 

“One.” Exhaling heavily, he finally felt collected enough to breathe.

 

_“Most of them are about being in intense sexual relationships with older men.”_

 

His first breath in was promptly choked on when Rey’s words replayed in his mind.

 

Grocery bags were shoved into the passenger seat and then he began to dug around for his phone. Rain and thunder were loud around him and only heightened his mounting anxiety. A number of concerns flooded him and he needed one simple answer to dam them.

 

 

 

> \- **Ben | 9:54 AM** -
> 
>  
> 
> _How old are you, Rey?_

 

In his panicked state of mind, it didn’t even occur to him how abrupt that might have sounded. A voice in his head was whispering cruel accusations. _You’re just like him. Are you going to prey on those too young to know better, too? Luring her in with an offer to teach her? Snoke would be so proud._ He fought them down to the best of his abilities. Rey looked like a fully grown adult. She had said she was old enough to leave foster care. Eighteen was too young. That was still a teenager. _God, maybe I’m a monster too._

 

His phone vibrated in his hands. It didn’t take her too long to reply, but it had felt like years.

 

 

 

> \- **Rey | 10:00 AM** -
> 
>  
> 
> _good morning to you too ben lol_
> 
>  
> 
> _also i’m 23_
> 
>  

He could barely read through the blur of tears that threatened to fall from his eyes. Ten years. She was ten years younger than him. It still felt like such a wide gap, but after the soul crushing fear he had been grappling with seconds before, he was too relieved for it to bother him. He wasn’t a monster. He was more than his trauma. The abusive cycle was broken.

 

The fourth button on his speed dial was held down. His eyes closed, stinging at the corners and he leaned back into the leather of his driver’s seat.

 

“Hey, kiddo,” Dr. Maz Kanata answered the phone. “Is everything alright?”

Ben spent the next hour and a half spilling his guts through the phone receiver while the rain slowly dissipated.

 

* * *

 

  
Evening sunshine was beginning to fade and drift in through the large windows. After his break down that morning, he had returned home and spent a few hours playing. The piano in the study on the first floor had once belonged to his grandfather and was easily his most prized possession. Much of the decor had been left the same in memory of the late Skywalkers and when he was saturated in it he couldn’t help but feel safe and warm. Anakin and Padme hadn’t been able to see Luke and Leia grow up, so they tried very hard to do right by Ben. The affection he received from them always meant so much to him since he struggled so desperately to find that kind of doting love from his parents.

 

Soon enough, he was hungry and found himself in the kitchen. The soft sound of his grandfather’s work played in the background as Ben busied himself with chopping carrots. He learned how to make his very first apple pie in this kitchen while his grandmother hummed along to this exact song. Many of his fondest memories took place in his grandparent’s home. She passed away shortly after Anakin, but she left the cozy upstate brownstone to Ben. When he turned eighteen he made it his permanent address. Though he wasn’t there often due to tours and recording schedules, he would always consider this house his true home.

 

His phone buzzed on the counter, the caller ID glowing with Rey’s name. He set the knife down on the cutting board’s edge. Guilt hit him when he realized that he hadn’t ever replied to her text or explained why he had been so hasty. In the mess of his emotions it didn’t even occur to him that she might have been waiting.

 

Picking up the phone quickly, he spoke the second he had it to his ear. “Oh. Rey. Hello.” Shifting slightly, he tried not to sound crazy as he continued on. “I’m so sorry for not replying to your messages and for being so abrupt I had a--”

 

“Thank fucking god you answered.” Rey wheezed out on the other end at the same time as he began rambling. “I was so worried that maybe you decided I was too young for you so you were just going to cut ties. I mean, you don’t look that much older than me, but you carry yourself super professionally so I’m sure you’re probably like at least three years older than me and that’s a big gap for some people so I jus--”

 

“Rey.” He felt a smile steal across his face. She was too sweet for her own good. “Rey, calm down. You’re not too young for me. It’s fine. I just had a rough morning and realized that I had never asked your age.”

 

“Jesus. You gave me a heart attack. After how wonderful last night was I really didn’t want to never hear from you again.” Relief saturated her voice and left him awestruck. He didn’t deserve her. “Soooooo, how about you? How old are you Mr. Solo? I mean, I’m sure I could just google you since you’re snob famous, but I’d much rather hear it from you.”

 

“Snob famous… You really are charming, aren’t you?” Chuckling and leaning against the counter, Ben closed his eyes. “I’m thirty-three.”

 

“Really? I never would have guessed!”

 

“That doesn’t change anything, does it?” Panic was starting to form again.

 

“Not at all.” He could practically hear her smiling. “But hey, uh, if you’re free, would you be willing to meet me somewhere for dinner? I spent all day worrying you didn’t want to see me anymore, so I’d love to see you again. Reassure myself that you’re actually real.”

 

Ben eyed the half chopped carrots and all the spices he’d pulled out. He had intended to make steamed veggies and grilled chicken for dinner, but he wasn’t about to turn down a chance to see her. “I would love to have dinner with you. Did you have somewhere in mind?”

 

“Yeah! There’s a place I like a lot that’s only a few blocks from my apartment. I’ll text you the address and we can meet up in a little bit.”

 

“I’ll see you soon, then.” Fondness infected him and he didn’t bother trying to stop it.

 

“See you soon, Ben!”

 

His phone buzzed and he quickly checked it. Recognizing the address instantly, he had to suppress a groan. _Pizza._ When he had been rooming with Poe Dameron on campus they used to take turns picking up food for parties and things from this corner pizzeria. He hadn’t been back since graduation and had hoped to keep it that way. But for Rey, for Rey he was willing to brave a swarm of university students dining out on a Saturday night.

 

It was a forty-five minute drive and then it took him another ten minutes to find a place to park along the road. Miraculously, they only had a fifteen minute wait for a table for two out on the patio. He texted Rey to let her know that he was there and then leaned against the wall and looked up at the sky. For a day that had started out so dismal, Ben was glad to find himself in good enough spirits that the constant hum of voices inside the pizzeria didn’t bother him.

 

“I hope I didn’t keep you waiting too long!” Rey’s accented lilt resounded beside him.

 

He turned his head to find her in a green tube top and jean skirt paired with a leather jacket. Her hair was down and worn in loose waves along her shoulders. Hazel eyes were twinkling in the evening starlight and Ben Solo wondered to himself if this was what falling in love felt like. He matched her grin and leaned down to place a kiss on the very top of her head.

 

“For you,” He murmured against soft brown hair. “I would be willing to wait forever.”

 

“Flirt.” Rey rumbled with laughter and hooked her arms around him.

 

They were seated out on the patio together. Ben ordered himself a salad to avoid eating anything horribly greasy and Rey ordered a vegetarian pizza.Their evening together was better than he could have hoped. Talking with Rey and watching her talk around mouthfuls of pizza somehow managed to bring him the same feeling that sitting in his grandfather’s study did. She felt like home.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to send me some feedback and some love over on [Tumblr](https://reyloscum.tumblr.com/). I post the occasional ficlet request there when I'm not working or pouring my life into this work.
> 
> Song Ben was listening to in the kitchen: [John Williams - The Force Theme](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HcZ9kQ1h-ZY)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, first off, 100 KUDOS?!?!? Y'all are angels. It makes my heart overflow every time I see a new bookmark or kudo or comment. Thank you so much for you support.
> 
> I am SO sorry about the wait. I had a lot of stuff happen in my personal life that stopped me from sitting down to write and then when I finally could write I didn't have the drive. This chapter WAS longer, but I decided to split it in half for the sake of flow.

Sunday was lazy. He prepared lunches for the week and he did some cleaning. Rey messaged him on and off throughout the day and they shared a casual form of chit chat he never thought he’d be able to enjoy. They were both up late discussing books and songs and any other trivial topic that came to them. Ben slept that night with a smile on his lips and his phone resting against his chest.

 

Life carried on and the next day came. Monday started his second week teaching in Alderaan and that meant his workshop was nearing its halfway mark. As he waited for his students to clear out of the bandroom, Ben sat back on the piano bench and closed his eyes. His fingers idly played his favorite of his grandfather’s pieces. The first movement was originally titled ‘Princess Leia’, but was later joined by a second movement and the whole piece was retitled ‘Han Solo and the Princess’. Anakin used to say that love and pain were the two greatest forms of inspiration. This song was a work of love and pain conjoined.

 

His grandfather didn’t get to meet his children until they were well into their teens. Anakin had signed with the prestigious Empire recording label and agreed to work with them while he wrote movie scores. The work consumed him whole. He believed that what he was doing was for the best; he was making money so that his children wouldn’t have to suffer the way he did. He’d grown up not knowing when there would be food on the table and he refused to let them go through that. He retired two days after meeting the twins, realizing that being with them was the most important thing he could ever do.

 

Leia used to tell the story of the first time she met her father; it was Ben’s favorite bedtime story. Up until the time he died, Anakin spent every minute he could making up for the time he lost with his children. Ben always hoped that one day he could have a daughter and that he might be able to her love even half as much as his grandfather loved his mother.

 

Music shifted into refrains written for his parent’s wedding. Anakin and Han were never close, but Padme had a soft spot for the scoundrel. Ben’s mother always described her romance with Han as forming overnight and then being fought with all her might. The fleeting thought of what might happen when it was time to leave Alderaan came to him in an unbidden manner. Would Rey want him to stay? Would he be willing to stay? Could she come with me?  _ That would be ideal. _

 

Rationally, he knew that he hardly knew anything about Rey. He knew she liked music with questionable lyrical content, he knew her favorite color was green, he knew she liked to sway to the songs in her head when she thought no one was looking. If they were teenagers, then that would be plenty enough knowledge to fall in love. But they weren’t teenagers. A sinking feeling in Ben’s chest told him that he was overthinking this. They weren’t in love.  _ Not yet, anyway _ . These were bridges they would cross when the time came.

 

Maybe it was meant to be a casual fling. Something to keep him from losing his mind while he was in town and something to keep her from feeling alone. 

 

Ben never stressed about women. He wasn’t usually one for romance because people always let him down. Compassion grew too quickly and it was never returned with the same intensity. Kylo Ren’s solution had been to shut out compassion all together. Interaction with the opposite gender was for sexual purposes and once they had helped cure his momentary loneliness they were shut out. Ben wasn’t Kylo Ren anymore. He refused to let Rey be one of those girls.

 

They needed to talk. They needed to define what was happening before he let his thoughts become too hopeful. Ben stopped playing and began to gather his things. He was going to walk into that practice room and no matter what she was doing he was going to tell her that this was important to him.

 

Holding onto his briefcase, white knuckled and trying not to psyche himself out of this, he stopped rushed down the hall and stopped dead in front of the practice room. He couldn’t hear her playing so he assumed she must have been sitting with her headphones on. Something in the back of his mind was telling him that rejection was on its way. A girl like her couldn’t possibly want something serious with him. 

 

_ You are worthy of affection, Ben.  _ He tried to assure himself as he pushed open the door. 

 

Much to his surprise, he found the room entirely empty. Ben’s heart clenched and he walked into the open space. His fingers ran along the edge of the sleek black piano. He had become so used to seeing her on the bench that it seemed wrong to see it empty like this. His mind jumped back to Tuesday, he had found the room empty then too; the disappointment this time was twice as gripping.

 

He pulled his phone from his pocket and leaned against the piano. His thumb lingered over her name. An image of her smiling face sat in the bubble beside it; she’d insisted that they exchange contact images so that their phonebooks didn’t have one blank contact icon. He didn’t have the heart to tell her at the time that most people had to leave his icon blank. Lofting a sigh, he shook his head and put his phone back in his pocket. Rey was a grown woman and likely had a perfectly good reason for not being there. He would just give her a call later to be sure she was alright.

 

The sound of doors swinging open caused him to turn around fast. Rey propped herself against the doorframe and flashed him a winning smile. She was wearing a sweater dress and leggings today.

 

“Rey.” He breathed her name as all the tension left his shoulders. Steps were taken instantly to close the distance between them.

 

“I wish you could have seen your face just now.” Her grin was playful. “You looked so defeated.”

 

Leaning over her, Ben placed his lips against her forehead. “I would have called you later. I understand that you have a life outside of scavenging for private practice space.”

 

Rey laughed.  _ God, that sound would be the death of him. _ Her arms wrapped lightly around his shoulders and she pressed herself closer. “I don’t come here for the piano, Ben Solo.”

 

“Oh? And what is it that you find more enticing than a regularly tuned grand piano?” Large hands settled on Rey’s hips and Ben’s eyes sunk to observe her expression. 

 

“A few things, actually.” Cheeky as ever, the girl grinned. “One of them happens to be a tall and slightly awkward piano teacher.”

 

“You think I’m awkward?” 

 

Her grin grew. “Maybe. Or maybe there is some other incredibly tall piano teacher lurking around these parts.”

 

Ben couldn’t help the scoff he made. “If there were another teacher around here, he wouldn’t be nearly as skilled as I am. I think I would be personally offended if I learned that you don’t want lessons from me but are settling for a lesser instructor.”

 

“Careful there, Mr. Solo. Your ego is showing.” She gave a playful wink and then sashayed past him to plop herself onto the piano bench. “But if you really are that eager to teach me, then why don’t you come over here and try it.”

 

He must have looked shocked because Rey patted the bench beside her. Ben cleared his throat slowly and then walked over and sat himself at her side. “Are you certain that this is what you want?”

 

“Call it a trial lesson. If feel like I could learn a lot from you and you don’t bore me to death then maybe you’ll be able to earn a second one.” Rey’s fingers gently tapped at the keys, soft enough that no sound came from the pressure. “I’ve never had a piano teacher before.”

 

“I’ve never taught before, so it will be a first for both of us.” Ben felt his face redden seconds after the words left his lips. It sounded far more suggestive than he had intended it to. “What I meant is that it will be a learning experience for both parties.”

 

Rey laughed. “I know what you meant.” A little nudge was given to his shoulder. “Now, let’s get started Professor Solo. I don’t have all night.”

 

“Alright. Then let’s review what you do know.” Ben adjusted his posture, sitting up right and setting his shoulders in a relaxed line. “The fundamentals are the best place to begin. Show me your posture. It’s important to sit properly when playing or you’ll develop nasty wrist pain.” 

 

With a blink, Rey adjusted herself to sit more upright. “Like this?”

 

Carefully, Ben set his hand at the small of her back. “You want to have your spine straight.” His fingers traced up her back, one vertebrae at a time until he settled his hand on her left shoulder and gently guided it back. “If your shoulders are slumped forwards like that then you’ll end up sore in a matter of minutes.”

 

It was hard to see beneath the freckles, but Ben swore he saw a dusting of pink on her cheeks. “But you move a lot when you play. I don’t think anyone actually sits stick straight while playing a song.” 

 

“Movement is normal, but it’s important to keep your shoulders back and relaxed always. The other thing that’s important is,” His hand moved from her shoulder and found her wrist. “You don’t want to rest your wrists against the piano and you don’t want your hand to lay flat over the keys.”

 

“So, it’s like typing?” Rey flexed her wrists a few times and then settled her arched fingers on the keys, playing a scale to test how it felt. 

 

“If that will help you remember it, then yes, like typing.” Ben let his hands fall into his lap. “You said that you don’t really know how to read music. What do you know?”

 

Hazel eyes looked down at the keys. “Well, I know that this,” She tapped a note in the middle of the keyboard. “Is middle C. I know that an octave is eight whole steps. I know how to count in four four time… Or well, mostly.”

 

“So, if I were to pull up a piece of music would you be able to sight read it?” The more he learned about her the more interesting she was. This girl didn’t know much about her craft and somehow she still managed to be more gifted than most who spent years honing their technique.

 

“I could try. But I will tell you now that it will be very slow and choppy.” There was something sheepish in her tone. “I don’t have a piano at home, so I only play when I’m here. Playing something from paper is infinitely more complex than just mimicking what I’ve heard.”

 

Ben hummed and nodded. “No need to be embarrassed or worry about speed. Everyone is slow when they first look at a piece. That’s why people practice. If you can play a song without any minor hiccups the first time you look at it then you aren’t improving or growing by playing it. That means it’s beneath your level.”

 

“Alright.” Rey looked at him and gave a nod of her own. “If you put something up here then I will try my best.”

 

“That’s all a teacher can ask for. His student’s best work.” His briefcase was picked up from where it had been set by the bench and he began rifling through what he had. Any of his grandfather’s pieces would be far too complex, but he did have a movement from a different composer that was simple enough. 

 

The first page of his selection was placed on the music shelf. Once he was sure it wouldn’t fall, he looked to Rey. She had a fascinating light in her eyes as she scanned from note to note. Her fingers gently traced the keys. She didn’t apply enough pressure to make a sound, just focused on pinpointing which ones would be need. The scrutiny in her eyes as she moved from note to note like she was trying to decipher a foreign language was equal parts endearing and impressive. 

 

With a scrunch of her nose, she huffed. “Alright. Let’s do this.” 

 

“I just want you to play the first fourteen measures. Don’t worry about the piece as a whole.”

 

Her posture adjusted to match what he had shown her moments before and then she began to play. At first, she began in the wrong key. It took her a moment to realize that she’d left out flats in the key signature, but when it did finally settle in, she gave a nasty curse under her breath and began the measure again. Her rhythm was off and she obviously was unfamiliar with the song. She picked up tempo abruptly and then slowed back down a measure later. After attempting the same rhythm six times, the girl gave an irritated noise and smashed her hands down on the keys without any kind of grace. 

 

“This is obviously above my musical level.” Her words were muttered crankily. “I can’t figure out how to count those dotted ones. Why do they even have dots?”

 

“It’s nothing to tear yourself up over. This isn’t a simple piece.” He does his best to be reassuring. “It also isn’t the piano’s fault so you should try to refrain from damaging it.” 

 

“I make no promises.” Rey frowned. “Three-four is like four-four but just one beat less, right?”

 

“That’s correct. And when a note has a dot next to it, that means that you cut the value of the original note in half and add it to the end.” He gave a glance to the sheet music. He played his hands on the keyboard and demonstrated for her the first three measures.

 

Rey watched him with a fixated gaze, her eyes never leaving his fingers as they skillfully plucked the keys. He wasn’t sure why, but the moment felt as personal as the kisses they’d shared a few nights prior. A part of him wanted to believe that she found him as interesting as he found her. His only hope was that he was worth her intrigue; he already knew she was well worth his.

 

She didn’t speak when he stopped playing. Instead, she moved her hands back onto the keys and began to play again. This time around she barely missed a beat. Her fingers mimicked his cautiously and her eyes never lost their focus. Instead of looking to the music for guidance, she kept glancing down to the place where he had been playing, as if replaying what she saw in her mind. At the stop of what he had played, she looked back up to the music to identify the patterns there and managed to pluck out the next two measures.

 

Ben blinked. He opened his mouth to speak, but her phone chimed before he had the chance. Frustration filled him to the brim. He didn’t want her to leave, but he knew that was what would happen next. He moved a hand to pull the sheet music down and she took hold of his wrist loosely.

 

“We’re not done yet.” 

 

He didn’t pull from her hold, instead, he just looked down at her perplexed. “Are you not going to leave?”

 

“I’ll let them know that I have plans and that I’ll find some other way home.” She let go of him. “We haven’t finished this section and I really don’t want to call it quits until I’ve done it.”

 

“Is that what that text is? Your ride home?”

 

A laugh bubbled up and Rey took hold her sides. Hazel eyes closed and her head tilted back, causing her bun to bounce lightly at the movement. “What else would it have been?” Her voice was still colored with amusement as she contained the laughter. 

 

“I thought that maybe…” Ben shook his head. “I don’t know what I thought. That does make a lot of sense, though. I can’t believe I didn’t think of it.” His relief was barely veiled.

 

“One of my roommates works here on campus, so I walk here after work so he can take me home.” 

 

“Oh.” He felt silly that he could only muster a one word reply.  _ So full of surprises, this one. _

 

Rey picked up her phone and began making a text. Instead of prying into what she was typing, Ben began to idly play the same few measures that he had been playing moments before. “You know, I’m not going to learn how to read the music if you keep playing it for me.”

 

“Hm?” He stopped. “You picked up two more measures based on what you heard me playing. You are learning to recognize patterns in the music. That isn’t reading it, but it is a step in the right direction.”

 

“These rhythms aren’t as tricky when I hear them. But when I see them on the page it’s like… it’s like when you’ve never read a word before and you’re trying to decide how it would be pronounced aloud while also trying to decipher what its synonyms might be.” Her phone was set back down on the bench. “Music is it’s own language, and while I may be able to speak it, apparently I’m illiterate.” 

 

“You’re making steps. You’ve got the basic alphabet and you have someone who’s more than willing to help you reach your goals. If you put your mind to it, I don’t doubt that you can do this, Rey.”

 

A smile spread across her face. “I am not leaving this classroom until I’ve got these fourteen measures.”

 

And she didn’t. They spent the next hour going over rhythms. He would tap a steady beat on the edge of the piano and she would count the notes verbally over it, giggling the whole time over how silly it sounded. He refused to play any more of the sections, insistent that she learn to decipher it for herself. It was more gratifying if she knew that it was her victory entirely. She played it over and over on loop; this music wasn’t going to be get the better of her. He found himself in awe of her determination. She wouldn’t back down from the challenge until she’d seen it through.

 

When she did at last play it properly, still below tempo but without any miscounts, Rey puffed up her chest and squealed with delight. “Take that…. Adagio?”

 

“Adagio.” He chuckled and confirmed the name for her. 

 

Silence settled between them. A pleasant kind of silence that didn’t beg to be interrupted. Her fingers moved away from the piano keys, one hand resting on his thigh as she leaned up and pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek. The kiss lead into two more, each one growing closer to his lips. For his part, Ben just sat still, not wanting to interrupt the affection for fear of losing it. 

 

Her lips brushed against the very corner of his own and then she whispered. “Thank you, Professor Solo. I feel like a learned a lot tonight.”

 

“I learned a lot as well.” His hand rose to gently cup her cheek. Brown eyes studied her features, still trying to etch them eternally into his memory. This was the chance to tell her what he had been wanting to say earlier. They needed to talk about defining what this was. 

 

“Ben?” Rey leaned into his touch. “Do you think I could go home with you tonight?”

 

“Since I’m the reason you missed your ride I have no problem taking you home.” His thumb traced along her cheekbone. “Are you ready to go? I have some things I’d like to discuss if that’s not a problem.”

 

Bold as ever, Rey smiled and met his eyes with her own. “No. What I meant was: Can I go to  _ your _ home with you tonight?”

 

He swallowed an invisible lump. “You mean…”

 

“If that’s alright with you.” Her bravado was starting to fade. It killed him to see the fear of rejection forming in her eyes. “But if you’d like to drop me off at my apartment then that’s alright too.”

 

“No, no, no…”  _ Get a grip, Solo.  _ “I don’t mind. If you really think we’re ready for that.”

 

Rey didn’t answer, she just pressed her lips to his. Everything he had wanted to talk about sunk into the back of his mind as he drew her in closer and returned his kiss with a fervor he was unaware he even had. He deserved love. That was what he had told himself when he walked into this room, and somehow, by some sort of miracle, he was fairly certain he had just found it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to say hi and come have a chat with me over on [Tumblr](https://reyloscum.tumblr.com). I've been answering prompts again too so come leave one!
> 
> Anakin's song for Leia/Han: [John Williams - Princess Leia's Theme/Han Solo and the Princess(arr Ryan Hunt)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QaSPDl6zFIE)  
> Classical piece Rey practices: [Albinoni - Adagio in G minor](https:/www.youtube.com/watch?v=KyFBVWRamLU)  
> 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE I'M NOT DEAD!!! I'm SO sorry that I was gone for so long. Life got insane. But as a reward for waiting a whole damn month here's the scene you've all been waiting for! Ben and Rey gonna get it on!

They stumbled into his brownstone, lips locked and her fingers tangled in his hair. Ben had performed elaborate concertos for queens, he had sat before massive amphitheatres of strangers and poured his soul out through his grandfather’s compositions, but nothing could ever hold a candle to how horrifically nervous he was when the door closed and Rey looked up at him like she saw an entire universe in his eyes.  _ What if I disappoint her?  _

 

Ben wasn’t who he used to be, he wasn’t popular with women, and he rarely engaged in anything sexual. He didn’t want to be aggressive with her like he might have been when he was younger, she was worth much more than a crazed fucking against the door. His throat constricted and he tried his best to hide how tense he was becoming. Somewhere in the recesses of his mind, Kylo Ren was mocking him. The jeering monster of his own creation was chiseling away at the slim amount of confidence he had managed to conjure. 

 

“Ben.” She whispered his name and stole the oxygen directly from his lungs. Her hand gently brushed against his cheek. “If you don’t want to do this then we don’t have to.” Hazel eyes were brimming with concern and breaking his heart.

 

“No.” He raised a hand to rest over hers. “I want this. I want this so badly…” Ben guided her hand to his lips, placing a small kiss on her palm. “I have never met a woman so magnificent as you are. I want so badly to shower you in all the affection I have to offer.” He moved to kiss her wrist now, feeling her pulse beneath his lips. “But I am terrified that I won’t be able to give you all that you deserve.” Ben threaded his fingers between her own and pulled her in closer. “I think--”

 

“Stop thinking.” Rey closed up the distance between them. “You’re overthinking this.” 

 

She leaned up and fit their lips together again. It was a tender kiss, meant to be reassuring and soft. The action melted the sharp edges of his nerves and soothed his every fear. Rey wasn’t afraid. This brave girl trusted that he would be enough and that he wouldn’t let her down. Instead of feeling unnerved by the weight of her expectations, Ben Solo felt freed by them. If she could believe in him, then he could believe in himself as well.

 

Without breaking their kiss, Ben lifted Rey up into his arms. He cradled her like a new bride and she secured her arms around his neck. The journey to his bedroom took them up two flights of stairs, but they scarcely parted for air. Her tongue was warm and wet as it ventured into his mouth, the taste of her seeming to grow more and more potent as they drew closer to their destination. She was sweet and earthy, he imagined that Gaia herself must have tasted like his Rey. If he were asked to pick between the goddess of Earth herself and the angel in his arms, he wouldn’t have to hesitate. The Earth was beautiful, but she could never compare to the radiance of the sun.

 

He turned the doorknob and used his foot to push open the door. No mind was given to closing the door, he was instead focused on the fastest route to his bed. He set her down among the plush pillows and watched her attentively as she got comfortable on his king size mattress. She was a sunspot on his cloudy gray bed, contained in the knit of a yellow sweater dress and grinning at him as if to imply she’d love to be unwrapped.

 

He knelt at the foot of the bed, untying her shoes and then carefully removing them. He set the pair of combat boots side by side on the ground and then peeled away her socks, tucking them into the boots for safekeeping. Ben then shrugged of his blazer and crawled over her cautiously. She was so beautiful. She looked up at him with a smile and sent butterflies to acost his stomach. His hair fell against his cheek as he looked down at her and he tried to remember how to think. 

 

“You’re thinking too hard again.” Rey rested her hands on his check and craned her neck to kiss the corner of his lips. “Don’t think, Ben. Just feel.” She guided kisses up his jaw. “Feel this.” Her voice grew softer, one of her hands sliding up over his neck and into his hair. “Feel me.” He could feel her breath on his neck as she kissed just beside his ear. “Feel  _ us. _ ”

 

Her fingers that weren’t scratching against his scalp her playing with the buttons on his shirt. Ben was so enamored by the sound of her breathing and the tenderness of her touch that he wasn’t fully certain he was truly awake. He must have been imagining her because it was all too perfect to be real. 

 

“I’m going to kiss you now.” Ben whispered. He wasn’t asking permission, but he waited for her to nod before he stole her lips for himself.

 

He propped himself up with one hand beside her head so she wouldn’t be crushed under the weight of him and his other hand was slowly sliding up her knee. The soft fabric of her leggings kept him from touching her skin directly, but he still enjoyed the warmth he could feel. His fingers slipped under the hem of her dress. He tugged the yellow fabric up slowly until her stomach was bare. 

 

Rey tilted her head, pulling their lips apart so that she could breathe. She pulled her hands from his hair and reached down to pull her sweater up and over her head. It was flung to the floor without any regard as Ben drank in the sight of her. She had freckles along her shoulders and chest, beautiful brown specs he wanted to map out like stars. If she were the heavens, he'd happily take up astronomy. 

 

“I’m sorry.” She scrunched up her nose as she flicked her eyes down over her body. “I know it’s nothing special.”

 

“You’re radiant.” His head ducked down and he kissed along the lines of her collar bones before descending down the valley of her breasts. He slipped a hand behind her back to unhook the brown fabric that was keeping the perky swells from him. “Everything about you is so warm.”

 

“Is that the thesaurus version of saying I’m super fucking hot?” Rey grinned playfully as she slid the straps down her shoulders. There was a blush hidden amongst the freckles on her cheeks. “Everything you say is always so sophisticated.”

 

Ben flicked his eyes upwards to watch her as he pulled her bra off and tossed it to join her sweater on the floor. “Rey,” He hummed her name against the center of her chest. “You’re  _ super fucking hot. _ ”

 

Rey began to laugh but the sound was cut off by a gasp when Ben experimentally began tracing trails through the freckles that dusted her breasts. It was an elaborate game of connect the dots that eventually lead to the dusky rose peaks of her nipples. His fingers continued to curiously map out the constellations of her freckles as he leaned in to pepper her perky breasts in ample kisses.

 

The attention of his kisses rose back to her lips as she peeled away his button down shirt and began exploring the hard lines of his torso.  Heat trailed beneath her touch and sent a stir to his nether regions. He wasn’t so if the sensitivity was due to how long it’d been since he’d been touched or perhaps due to the fact that this was the gentlest display of affection he’d ever received in the bedroom. Every graze was done with tenderness, and when mingled with her tongue curling over his, Ben was quickly beginning to feel overwhelmed.

 

His fingers began to run down her body, skimming along her ribcage, beyond her waist and hips and into the thin layers of her leggings and panties. He hooked two fingers over the edge and began to tug. Down the barrier went, pushed down to her ankles and then discarded with the rest of their discarded clothing. He pulled back enough to take a glance down her frame, their noses brushing as he panted over her lips.

 

“Christ, you’re so stunning.” Praise came so naturally. He doubted he’d ever get his fill of the way her cheeks got rosy or her eyes sparkled with appreciation. 

 

“Flatterer.” She groaned faintly.

 

He simply grinned and then carried on kissing her. He didn’t need to watch his hand was it slid over her hipbone and then curiously into the trimmed curls  further south. Long legs spread for him, giving him the space to part dampened folds and begin testing what sorts of touches made her quake. His middle finger traveled from her button of nerves to her dripping entrance, making a few trips back and forth. 

 

Rey broke the kiss, groaning into her words as she spoke. “Don’t tease me.”

 

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” He buried two fingers into her velvety depths and she buried her fingernails into his shoulder. Both actions were met with a grunt.

 

Rey threw her head back as he set his pace, delving into her slowly but as deeply as his knuckles would allow. She was ready for him. The way her thighs quivered and her breath caught told him that she was plenty aroused enough; those factors mixed with the fact that his hand was dripping in her arousal, of course. His thumb brushed across her clitoris and then his fingers twisted and curled against her aching walls. The sound she made was near enough to undo him them and there.

 

“Do you think you’re ready?” Ben muttered against her shoulder where he was sucking small pink hickies.

 

“Do you…” She started but then stopped to shudder as he scraped his fingers against her g-spot again. “Do you have a condom?” 

 

“Bedside table.” He withdrew his fingers, loving the way she whined now that she was empty. He debated pressing them past her lips and giving her a taste of herself, but he was also curious himself and opted to clean the coated digits with his own mouth instead. Her lips had tasted like the Earth and her sweet honey tasted like heaven. 

 

His hand that wasn’t busy began fussing with his belt. His trousers were too tight now and he was going to lose his mind if he didn’t get freedom. She put a hand over his to help and through team effort they managed to get his pants and belt undone. Ben slid out of both with ease, his member bouncing lightly as it was exposed to the cool air. The swollen head was slickened with precum from how worked up he’d become. 

 

“Oh wow…” Rey swallowed hard, her eyes shifting from his face to his cock and then lingering there. “Full of surprises…”

 

His face was red for a number of reasons, but those words didn’t helping. “Were you expecting me to… have a sm--”

 

“No, no!” She cut in and blushed fiercely, her eyes tearing away fast. “I don’t know what I was expecting.”

 

Ben leaned down to kiss her temple. “Just tell me if you change your mind.” 

 

If she changed her mind now he was fairly sure he’d die of embarrassment, but he would respect whatever choice she made. He leaned to open the small drawer of his nightstand and dug around for one of the foil wrapped items inside. Once he had one, he pushed the drawer shut, opened and discarded the wrapped, and rolled the latex over his aching erection. 

 

“Are you ready?” Ben was going to offer her every opportunity to turn back. She was the one who had initiated, but that didn’t meant she had to follow through.

 

“Hold on.” She sat up. “Sit against the headboard.”

 

Ben obliged, setting himself on the bed beside her. Rey climbed over him. A knee was on either side of him and she looked down at him in a way that made his already erect member twitch. She took hold of the base of his cock, gently guiding him against her entrance. He wasn’t even inside yet and he could feel his gut tightening. Rey rested one hand on his shoulder, captured his lips with hers, and then sunk down over him. She didn’t stop until he was completely encased in her warmth.

 

The kiss was heated as she set up a pace far quicker than he would have begun with. His hand slid down her spine and caught her left hip. She didn’t need him to guide her, she was doing a wonderful job of unending him already. He groaned into their kiss, tongues colliding as he got the pleasure of feeling places within her that his fingers never could have reached. 

 

Ben broke the kiss to bury his face in the crook of her neck. “You’re so fucking… tight.” 

 

“I… Mmm.. I’ve never felt so full.” Rey moaned and tilted her head back.

 

Ben began placing kisses all along her sternum. He drew gentle shaped along her stomach where he knew she felt full and loved the way it made her breath hitch. She was doing much more physical work than him so he felt that it was only right to pamper her with praising touches. She was so strong, so brave and passionate. Rey rode him like a warrior queen, unrelenting and bold.

 

Her personality may have been brimming with hard edges, but her body was as soft as it looked. And  _ oh so  _ responsive. Fingers were now wrapped up in his hair, tangled about in dark tresses and using them as a grounding force as she whined out sweet sounds so akin to his name but never quite whole. She gasped raggedly when his tongue lashed against her nipple and his fingers pressed against her aching center. Rey was a stunning symphony of sounds and he wished to become as skilled in pressing her buttons as he was the ivory piano keys. Someday he would compose concertos made solely of her pleasure.

 

Her whole body stilled, locking up as the height of her pleasure was reaching her. He let both hands take her hips and began to buck his hips upwards to help them both ride out their release. She made a number of moans all in succession and clawed at his scalp. He was about to release, his member twitching within the confines of her convulsing walls. They had been in such perfect synchronization, just like their duet before. 

 

“Ben!” Rey finally managed to form his name. “B-Ben… Come with me, Ben.” 

 

It felt more like an order than a request, but his body was aching and more than willing to oblige. The searing heat was coiled tight and ready to burst at any given moment. She tugged tightly at his hair and he freed her breast so he could grunt out her name with full force.

 

“Rey!” He nearly choked on the sound. “I’m ready…  _ Fuck  _ I’m so ready.”

 

Walls clamped around him and the sound she made was like nothing he had ever heard before. Her face contorted with bliss and every inch of her hummed. Ben wasn’t far behind, growling out her name like a primal promise that he’d encourage her to moan like that again sometime soon. Rey let herself fall against him, her face burying into the crook of his neck as she caught her breath. He kept his arms around her loosely and smiled into her hair. He could get used to this.

 

* * *

 

He woke to the soft light of the morning sneaking through his blinds. Rey was tucked comfortably against his torso, naked and peaceful. He brushed a few loose chunks of hair away from her cheek and pressed his lips to the top of her head. His heart was doing various acrobatic stunts as he looked down at her sleeping form and assured himself that she was, in fact, real. Last night hadn’t been a feverish dream. He truly had the most wonderful woman in the world curled up between his sheets. Some miracle had granted him true and earnest affection; the trick now was going to be ensuring he didn’t somehow ruin this too.

 

Although she looked like an angel, Ben was certain that she was human and would be needing food once she woke. He got out of bed slowly and slipped into a pair of gray sweatpants. After a moment of going back and forth on the idea of wandering out to the kitchen shirtless, he pulled on a loose white tee and then ambled out of the door. The door was left open so she wouldn’t feel trapped when she rose.

 

It dawned on him after he entered that kitchen that he didn’t know her dietary habits and he then felt mildly guilty. He wasn’t entirely sure what to prepare that excluded all possibilities, so he decided to just make a few different options. Gluten free banana pancakes were the first thing he set off to make. The recipe was one he had picked up from his manager who preferred all natural dining. A pleasant smell filled the kitchen as he multitasked between bacon strips on one frying pan and cheese omlettes in another. 

 

He was just beginning to brew some coffee when he heard footsteps padding down the stairs. Ben turned away from the coffee pot so look at the doorway, but Rey didn’t wander in like he thought she might. She must have gone to explore. His little scavenger might have been looking for his piano, that seemed awfully like her. He smiled and then went back to preparing breakfast. Plates were set out on the table across from one another and then filled with food, all neatly arranged. He didn’t know how she liked her coffee so he decided to just leave it be for now.

 

Ben waited for a little while to see if Rey might amble in, but he worried that if he waited too long the pancakes might get cold and her breakfast wouldn’t be as pleasant as it could be. So after about five minutes of sitting and playing with his fork, he headed downstairs. Maybe he was too impatient for his own good; if he were then that was most assuredly Han Solo’s fault. 

 

Breathing seemed impossible as he saw her seated at his grandfather’s piano. She was all wrapped up in a sheet that could easily be misconstrued for a classy gown if he let his mind wander. That was exactly what she deserved and exactly what he wanted for her. She would play on a beautiful stage in a beautiful gown some day, but today was much more intimate. A smile crept over her lips as she tested the ivory keys.

 

“This was my grandfather’s.” Ben barely managed a whisper.

 

“Oh!” She leapt and shot him an apologetic look. “I could-”

 

“No.” He quickly closed the distance, putting his hands on her bare shoulders. “Please… It doesn’t get much use. I’d love to hear you play on it.”

 

She plucked out the first few notes of Adagio and he thought he might have ascended to heaven. Rey was playing the piece he taught her on the piano that inspired him to play as a child. If this truly was reality, then he was sure this was the very peak of his happiness. 

 

The tune shifted and mingled together with a song he didn’t know in the slightest. Something that blended with the tone beautifully. He watched Rey’s eyes close and her frame swayed beneath the gentle hold of his hands on her shoulders. Rey was untamable. She couldn’t be confined to structured music and maybe that wild nature is what made her so stunning. Ben placed a kiss to the top of her head and closed his eyes. He didn’t have to tame her spirit. No. He didn’t  _ want _ to. This beautifully unpredictable girl with her needlessly provocative music and her sunbeam smile was perfect precisely as she was.

 

Her song tapered off to a close and she spoke in a soft tone. “It’s beautiful. This piano, I mean. I can tell that it’s loved. I feel so small knowing that Anakin Skywalker used to play here.”

 

“He would have loved listening to you play. He had a soft spot for breaking technical rules.” There was a fond laugh buried somewhere against Rey’s hair. Ben’s arms wrapped around her and she in turn gently took hold of them. “What was that second song you were playing? I’ve never heard it.”

 

“You wouldn’t have.” He didn’t have to look down to know she was grinning. “It’s by the same artist as the first song you ever heard me play.”

Ben made a sound as if to silently affirm that he had no interest in hearing the original. “Breakfast is going to get cold. We should go eat.”

 

“Oooh, breakfast!” She didn’t need to be told twice. Rey hugged the sheet to her body with one hand and tugged him along with the other. 

 

“I wasn’t sure what kind of food you liked so I went ahead and made an assortment.” Ben didn’t mind her pulling him up the stairs. The sheet that had looked almost regal at the piano looked comical as she bounded into the kitchen. 

 

“Oh my god! Ben!” His hand was released and she plopped down in front of her plate. “It all looks so delicious.”

 

“I made coffee as well. Cream and sugar?” Ben pulled down two mugs. “I have french vanilla creamer or just half and half.”

 

“Half and half with a bit of sugar is fine.” She called over as she began pushing strips of bacon into her mouth. 

  
He set the coffee in front of her and watch her grin and giggle over each new thing she tried. He’d never seen someone so enthusiastic about breakfast food and it was perhaps the most endearing thing he’d ever witnessed. Ben cut into his own pancakes and took a bite as she began to talk about some pancakes she had prepared once. Watching her smile and eat there in his kitchen, Ben concluded that he could  _ definitely _ get used to this. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to say hi and come have a chat with me over on [Tumblr](https://reyloscum.tumblr.com)  
> Rey's song on Anakin's piano: [The Weeknd - Pray For Me / Albinoni - Adagio(piano by Paul Hankinson)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kk55STRtvVo)  
> 


	7. Chapter 7

Side by side that night, he listened to her play. It wasn’t a classical piece, it wasn’t something she could play to a sold out concert hall, but he couldn’t help but find it enthralling in its own sort of way. The song couldn’t have been what drew him in. It was far simpler than some of the other arrangements he’d heard from her, but she played it with such expression and sprinkled it with swelling dynamics that hinted to moving lyrics that must have been running through her mind. There wasn’t a smile on her lips. She told a story of longing and regret with her eyes alone. Whatever the song was about, for her, it symbolized some kind of aching. In the most Rey way possible, she created something stunning from a source hardly ornate. 

 

“What’s this song?” He asked from beside her on the piano bench. “Is it another song that you’re certain I’ll hate?”

 

“Hm.” Rey didn’t still her fingers, just formed a thoughtful sort of expression. “I think of all the songs I’ve played in the last while, this one stands the highest chance against your scrutiny.” 

 

“It sounds wistful.”

 

“It’s about choosing between two dreams. He thinks he’s met the love of his life and that he’ll have a dream romance but he soon realizes that his dream career isn’t exactly ideal for that kind of life.” Hazel eyes were fixed on the keys and pale lips were dipping at the corners. She looked so regal in profile and he had to remind himself not to stare. “The actual song has a lovely saxophone solo, but well, I can’t play saxophone so I can’t do it the proper justice.”

 

Something stung in his chest as he carefully weighed her words. The songs she had introduced him to thus far hadn’t been nearly this deep and he found himself wondering if maybe he should listen to the original. He’d sworn off doing such for all the other songs she played after he was met with vulgar lyrics about licking clitorises. Despite his better judgement, his curiosity won the war. “What’s it called?”

 

Rey lit up, her hands stopping and her head tilting so she could really get a look at him. “You really want to hear it?” 

 

“I just wanted to know the name. I was really enjoying listening to you play.”

 

“Oh.” She smiled sheepishly. “It’s called ‘This Must Be My Dream’. I don’t think you’d like much else by the band, they get a bit too suggestive for your tastes. If you do get around to listening to this one, though, I expect a text message with your thoughts.”

 

He nodded and they fell into a comfortable silence. Her head fell against his arm and her eyes drifted shut. The piano room felt warmer than it had in over a decade when Rey was sitting in it. Ben wasn’t a superstitious man, but a part of him was convinced that Anakin’s spirit was offering his approval each and every time Rey’s fingers found the keys. Sentimental as it sounded, he wished his grandfather could have given that approval in person. 

 

She set a hand on his knee and he tried not to flinch. There was something familiar about this, but familiar in the wrong sort of way. An uneasy feeling knotted up in his stomach and memories screamed to be set free from their meticulously crafted cage. Only one other person had sat this close to him on a piano bench and that person was executed years ago. The ghost of an unwanted hand was making her touch feel heavy on his knee. Ben’s spine straightened and he swallowed hard in an attempt to rewet his dried up mouth. They’d been intimate, but for some bizarre reason, this was too much. 

 

_ The old man smiled down at him with a sick pleasure in his eyes. “There can be no question that you’re Anakin’s grandson when you play on this piano, Ben. Amazing.” _

 

_ At the time, Ben didn’t know to be horrified by the ‘fatherly’ hand on his leg. No boy his age could have known. _

 

“Ben?” A familiar accent pulled him from the unwarranted memory. When he jerkily turned to meet her gaze, Ben found concern written all over her features. “Are you alright?”

 

“…” He began, the usual ‘I’m fine’ prepared to jump to his tongue. Rey deserved more honesty than that. After a slow breath, he began again. “Casual affection is hard for me. I had an… unfortunate experience when I was young. It doesn’t usually have a crippling effect on my daily life, but on occasion things echo too closely.”

 

Rey didn’t speak. For a moment, Ben was afraid that he’d said too much. Women valued strong men, they found casual dismissal of emotion more attractive. That was why Han Solo had been such a player in his youth and why Ben Solo had not. Kylo Ren had been a caricature of that kind of man, a monster born of insecurities, but Ben didn’t want that anymore and he hoped that Rey didn’t want it either. They both deserved better than that variety of dysfunction. It was silly of him to doubt Rey’s judgement, and when she offered him a reassuring smile and moved her hand back into her own lap, he concluded for the thousandth time that he didn’t deserve her.

 

“You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t feel comfortable saying. I have plenty of pieces of my history that I don’t like to think about or talk about. Don’t push yourself, Ben.” 

 

“I’m sure I don’t have to tell you what happened. It was plastered all over the news and the tabloids.” Bitterness crept up, the shadow of Kylo Ren coloring his words. “I don’t think there’s a single person in this country who hasn’t at least heard of the scandal.” 

 

“You are not defined by your traumas. I was starved and treated like a tool for years. If I didn’t do  _ whatever  _ was requested of me then I wouldn’t eat for days.” Ferocity flared from her. “But just because I  _ was _ starving doesn’t mean I don’t eat now. Just because I  _ was  _ abused doesn’t mean I’m  _ still  _ a victim.” The fire didn’t die out, but it wasn’t a cruel heat. It was warm and welcoming, the kind of flame that invited a person to sit down and be comfortable. Rey understood him better than he had assumed. “A wound can’t heal if you choose to continue picking at it.”

 

Ben lifted a hand up to cradle her cheek, partially because he wanted to show how appreciative he was and partially because he wondered if he could take some of that bravery for himself. There was more hope in a single green fleck in her eyes than in every inch of his body. “Have you always known?” 

 

“No.” Her hand pressed over his. “Someone told me. I’m sorry that it wasn’t you.”

 

His head shook before he leaned in and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Never apologize for something that you didn’t do. You’re not responsible for the choices of others.”

 

“I know that I’m not responsible for it, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be sympathetic. It’s okay to feel sorry about circumstances that are out of your control so long as they don’t drag you down.” She leaned into his touch, her hazel eyes fluttering to a close. “I would have rather heard it from you.”

 

“That would have been my preference too, but it’s fine.” Ben smiled. It was an honest smile, the smile of a man who was falling in love. “I have you despite it all, and that’s all that truly matters to me.

 

Rey paused as though she was going to say something important, but her stomach grumbled instead. After a generous amount of laughter, they wandered hand and hand to the kitchen.

* * *

By Friday, Rey had become a semi-permanent fixture in his mornings. They didn’t always spend the night making love, but they did always sit across from one another at the dining room table the next morning. She would laugh and crinkle her nose as she dug into whatever he prepared for breakfast. They would sit at the piano and play for a few hours and then she’d give him a goodbye kiss and head out to work.

 

“I’ll see you tonight.” Rey murmured against his lips. “I really should sleep at my own apartment, though.”

 

Ben brushed some hair behind her ear and hummed in agreement. “That would probably be best. Your roommates might think I abducted you otherwise.”

 

“I can take care of myself. They don’t worry too much.” Her lips quirked into a little grin as she leaned up to press one more small kiss to his cheek.

 

He held the door open for her, waiting until she was in the backseat of her ride before he let it swing shut. His phone was ringing loudly in his pocket, a grating sound that did a marvelous job of ruining the high he had been on. He didn’t need to look at the number to know that it was going to be Armitage calling to nag him about some inconsequential matter. Even though he would have loved to just ignore the prick, there was a marginal chance that it was actually important.

 

The phone had barely clicked to open the line when a familiar voice bombarded Ben’s ear. “You  _ finally _ decided to answer. I have called you twice this week and you’ve failed to respond or read my messages. You are an absolutely abhorrent excuse for a friend.”

 

“Is this phone call explicitly for the sake of your bitching or was there something you actually wanted to talk about, Hux?” Ben disliked being idle, so he made his way to his room to get everything ready for work. “I don’t have to answer the phone every time you call, you’re not my significant other, you’re not my manager, and you’re not my therapist.” 

 

“Thank Christ. I wouldn’t want to be any of those things.” There was some genuine relief in his tone, but Ben couldn’t find it in himself to be offended by it. “Anyhow, the purpose of this call was to discuss a few newly scheduled concert dates.”

 

“Why didn’t Phasma call me?” Ben must have sounded grouchy because his friend ‘tsk’ed on the other end of the line.

 

“She delegated.” Armitage supplied the two words as if they answered everything. “We’ll be heading to Coruscant at the end of the month. We’ve been booked at the Centax Hall to play with the royal orchestra. Your little jaunt to Alderaan is coming to a close in about a week so you’ll be returning to sane living just in time for work to settle in again.”

 

Rey’s sparkling smile flashed across his mind’s eye and he felt a frown fix onto his lips. The routine they’d set was so domestic and sweet that he’d managed to forget that it all had an expiration date. “A week… right.” The murmurmed words were more for himself than for the man on the phone.

 

“Oh, don’t tell me that Leia Organa-Solo has given you a case of bleeding heart syndrome and you’re honestly considering staying. There’s nothing for you in that city but miserable memories and obligations.” Although the clipped tone of his voice was far from comforting, Ben knew that the ginger meant well.

 

“It’s not my mother.” He sighed and then sat down at the foot of his bed, no longer caring about getting his briefcase in order. “I’ve met someone.”

 

“Met someone? You’ve likely met a number of people. You’re teaching a class.” 

 

“A girl.” He tried again. “She’s… tremendously talented. Untrained, but incredibly skilled.”

 

“You intend to take on a protege? I’m sure Phasma wouldn’t be opposed to your student accompanying you so long as they manage to keep from being under foot.” The nonchalant manner that Hux spoke was grating on Ben for reasons he couldn’t quite grasp. Given the fact that the only things he’d said about Rey were related to her piano skills it was logical for Hux to assume she was just a student.

 

“She’s not my student. Well, not entirely. I would love to teach her. She has so much potential. But, when I say I’ve met someone, a girl, what I mean is that--”

 

“You’re fucking.” There was obvious disapproval present as Hux cut Ben off. “You mean to tell me that you’re reluctant about leaving Alderaan because you’ve been fooling around with some girl for two weeks? I thought you were more level-headed than to let a pretty woman interrupt your career. Honestly, this is unexpected. You know that nothing serious can have formed from a few nights in the sheets with a girl you hardly know.”

 

“It’s not like that!” Rage was bubbling up, a familiar feeling that he didn’t really want to entertain. “My permanent address has always been here anyway. She’s so different. She’s so… original. I’ve never met anyone like her before. She has clawed her way up from nothing and is still so… so kind.” Ben was usually a man of many words, but his eloquence seemed lost when he could feel the full force of his colleague's scrutiny. 

 

“Careful, Ren. She very well could be using your for all sorts of things, money, gratification, and exposure being only a few. You have known her for fourteen days at maximum. Moving back into your grandparents’ home after all these years over some girl you hardly know is hasty and foolish.”

 

“She’s not ‘some girl’.” Ben practically snarled. 

 

“Well, whether you are fucking her or not I don’t think it would be an issue to have her around so long as she’s productive. If you plan on teaching her then Phasma won’t mind it, but if you have some sort of romantic tone with her then she may get the wrong idea if you ask her to leave with you to Coruscant.” Bemused, Hux began cooing out sweet things to his cat. Ben hated everything about this.

 

Taking in a deep breath, Ben tried to collect himself. Hux had a point. Rey wouldn’t want to leave with him after having only known him such a short time. He hadn’t even thought about how little they knew one another because he had felt so connected. From a logical perspective they were basically strangers. “I’ll be in touch with Phasma. Thank you for the update.”

 

Hux made a sound as if he was going to reply, but Ben hung up.

 

Nothing so unquestionably happy was meant to last, least of all for a man so unfamiliar with love as himself. Even if time hadn’t promised to separate them, his own lack of emotional depth would. Ben couldn’t rid himself of that thought as he got dressed for work. The thought gave him no reprieve as he stood in front of his workshop and broke down the basics of when was and when wasn’t acceptable to deviate from the written notes. Even talking about Anakin Skywalker’s best live moments wasn’t repairing his mood and by the time all his students had filed out, Ben had accepted the fact that Hux was probably right.

 

He didn’t know Rey well enough to be gambling his career and his passion on whether or not she understood the depth of his feelings. But instead of wallowing in that realization, Ben decided he would just have to remedy the issue. He would get to know her and he would make it clear to her what his intentions were so that she could decide for herself if she was ready to commit to him in that manner. If she would study under him then they could have a million chances to fall in love each and every day. That’s what he told himself as he walked down the familiar hallway.

 

Piano music drifted all around him, mocking him. The promise of everything she was fighting lingered in each improvised note and left him feeling hollow. Would she take this as a personal rejection? He felt his eye twitch as he approached the door, a song he didn’t know being played boisterously on the other side. The right words were going to be the key, but all his thoughts came crashing down when he saw her smiling at the piano.

 

“Ben!” She chirped excitedly, lifting one hand to wave before getting back to the song.

 

“Rey.” He greeted softly. His large frame moved from the door to the piano and he placed a soft kiss to her temple. 

 

“How was class?” Rey’s smile was as bright and blinding as the sun and he was so tempted to simply melt. 

 

“The same as always.” Ben failed to hide his frustration and he knew it when he saw those hazel eyes widen.

 

“What’s on your mind?” She cooed. “You seem upset.”

 

“Do you ever feel as though you’re wasting your skills on pieces like this one?” The question sounded more aggressive than he’d intended, but he wasn’t about to take it back. She wasn’t going to learn and grow if he sugar-coated things. 

 

“This is what I know. I don’t feel like it’s a waste to enjoy what I understand. I don’t need to play complicated movements by dead men who loved powdered wigs to be able to appreciate the sound of the piano, Ben.” Rey replied in an even but wary tone. 

 

“If you would let me teach you then it wouldn’t be all you knew. You are choosing to be ignorant. Rey, you could be so phenomenal. If you just let me refine your skills then you would understand what you’ve been missing out on. Come wi--”

 

“Refined?” Her voice was cracked as she abruptly turned on the piano bench. 

 

Hazel eyes full of pain and defensive fury were fixed on him, daring him to repeat himself. If she had given him the chance to continue then he would have asked her to join him on his trip to Coruscant, he was going to declare his affection, he was going to set things right. Something about the way her eyes glistened now told him that it was too late. She didn’t need to finish speaking to make him feel like a fool and an unsympathetic ass. He had roused something in her, brought her back to something she didn’t want to remember, and he loathed himself more and more as he glare grew darker by the second. In the deep recesses of his sub conscious, he swore he heard Kylo Ren laugh. Ben Solo had fucked up. He’d fucked up  _ bad _ .

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that as an insult.” Ben attempted to bring the situation back down and failed miserably. 

 

“Is that what this has always been about? Am I just some weird charity project? You want to teach me because I’m an unruly mutt who you think you could train. I thought…” She swallowed hard and Ben’s body tensed. “You honestly had me convinced that you cared about me, the person, not me the pianist.”

 

“I do care about you Rey. I… I never stop thinking about you. You have wiggled your way into my life and I don’t ever want to let you go. It’s because I care so much for you that I can’t stand to watch you throw away everything you could become. You’re wasting so much talent. If you would just listen to me and stop being so stubborn then you could take this entire world by storm.” He stepped closer. “I need you by my side, and if you continue down this path of casual pop and improvisation then neither of us will ever be happy.”

 

“Am I not enough for you? Are you embarrassed of me?” She collected her purse into her lap, fingers flexing and relaxing as she tried to calm herself. Ben found no comfort in her tone.. “If what you’re looking for is a refined woman then you are looking in the wrong place. Nothing about me is  _ refined _ . I am an orphan, for christ’s sake! I have been nothing but honest with you about who I am and what I stand for, Ben. I don’t want to lose the feeling that playing brings me. I am not going to gamble the only thing in the entire fucking universe that I can call my own.” Rey got onto her feet. “Do you have any idea how many things a foster child gets to keep when they move from home to home? I have  _ nothing  _ and I will not let this be taken from me too.”

 

“I don’t want to take anything from you. I’m sorry if I made you feel as if that was what I was trying to say. I believe in you. I believe in everything you could be and that’s exactly why we are fighting right now. You don’t want to see that potential and you are sabotaging yourself the longer that you ignore it.” Fear filled him. The fear of not having enough time to truly fall in love. If she would just listen, if she would just trust him, then they could have all the time in the world. “I’m not embarrassed of you, Rey. I’m in awe by you. I’m here right now because you are everything I could ever want if you would just let go. Just listen to me…” Ben’s breath trembled as he watched her stand up.  Please.” 

 

“No.” She spoke softly at first and then shot him a look charged with too many emotions to trace, repeating herself with vigor. “No.  **You** don’t get to decide what I do and don’t have the potential for. If that’s all that I am to you then I’m so sorry that I wasted your time and my own.” Though her gaze was hard, hurt was evident in the wet corners. “Don’t call me, Ben Solo. Don’t text me. Don’t look for me. Don’t come anywhere near me. I’m not going to be another pawn. I’m not going to be valued for what I can do rather than who I am.”

 

“Rey, I-”

 

“Save it. I don’t want it anymore.” Rey blinked away tears as she walked past him. “I don’t want  **you** anymore.”

 

Ben whipped around fast. “Rey, wait. I’m sorry.” 

 

“You should start buying your apologies in bulk, Ben. You’re handing them out an awful lot.” Her hand was on the door and she didn’t turn back to look at him. “I thought you were different, but I was wrong.”

  
He moved in fast strides to try and make it to her before she’d left entirely, but he only managed to get there in time for the heavy wood to slam in his face. In his pursuit to gain them time he had entirely misstepped and sacrificed the small days they had left. Emptiness echoed through the empty room and Ben sunk to sit on the floor. His eyes felt wet and his throat felt dry.  _ She’s gone. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to say hi and come have a chat with me over on [Tumblr](https://reyloscum.tumblr.com)  
> Song Rey is playing at the beginning: [The 1975 - This Must Be My Dream(Arr Tyff) ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3bbsLe_0G8)  
> Practice room song: [Selena Gomez - Come and Get It(Arr P. Miller) ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfaWDumcY8w)  
> 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A massive and loving shout out to [Emma](https://archiveofourown.org/users/miri_of_nowhere_in_particular/pseuds/miri_of_nowhere_in_particular) who read this chapter over for me because I was worried about it. She's a STELLAR beta and friend and I love her to death. (Side note, her one-shot is SO cute and you should read it).

Rey wasn’t in the practice room on Monday. Or Tuesday. Ben had spent the entire weekend leaving anxious voicemails and desperate text messages, but there was nothing more than static silence to meet him. The sun was setting on his time in Alderaan, his flight was booked for Sunday morning, and the idea that he might not get to see her again before then was driving him mad. 

 

Everywhere he glanced, he saw her. He remembered how nice she looked curled up on his sofa in nothing more than his button down shirt and a devious smile. He could picture her sitting on the counter with her legs crossed as he prepared breakfast for them. The memory of her ran rampant through his home and claimed every inch. Ben was almost able to bear the weight of it all, but any glance he stole towards his grandfather’s piano ruined his chances at peace. The bench would never feel quite right without her there to fill it. 

 

_ “What are you staring at?” She glanced over her naked shoulder with a coy smile. If the freckles on her face were cruel, then the ones smattered down her back were torturous.  _

 

_ “An angel,” he replied from the doorway. _

 

_ An ungraceful snort followed by a sweet symphony of giggles resounded through the sitting room. “Come here and kiss me,” Rey ordered softly once she caught her breath. _

 

_ Ben closed the distance quickly. His lips found her back, then her shoulder. The kisses ghosted over her neck and then finally, after a small whine from his angelic companion, he sealed his lips sweetly over her own. _

 

Lovesickness was an ache he was unfamiliar with, and because of this, he had no idea how to treat it. Nursing the symptoms wasn’t actually fixing anything. He could distract himself with work or busy himself with making arrangements for his workshop, but at the end of the day, he was still feeling like a shell of himself. The realization that he didn’t have anyone to truly confide in had pushed him further into his melancholy, and come Wednesday afternoon, he decided it was best to just bite the bullet and try to move on.

 

Work seemed to blur by. He talked for hours about his grandfather’s little known pieces and how they spoke to the true depth of his genius. Because he had so much to say about the topic he was there to teach, Ben really was able to stop himself from thinking about Rey for a few blessed hours. Nothing beyond piano nuance held to the forefront of his mind until his students had cleared out and he was left with a classroom as hollow as the pit in his chest. His feet carried him again to that same practice room and like a fool, he put his hand on the handle and hoped he’d see her when the door pulled open. He played over all the things he might say if she was sitting there at the piano. The image of her leaned up against the mirror lined wall with those massive headphones on had a small smile on his lips. 

 

Ben Solo was smart enough to know that she wouldn’t be there, but emotions weren’t run by knowledge. It was like knowing a star was years from collapsing but spending each night excitedly checking a telescope for the stunning explosion of light. Everything advised against getting his hopes up, but he still felt crushed when he stepped into the room and found it empty. He was disillusioned by the space when she wasn’t there to fill it with her ambience. It truly was just a practice room, nothing romantic or dazzling.  _ That had just been her. _

 

He put his fingers on the keys, the ring feeling lackluster in comparison to when she used to play. The piano hadn’t changed, but maybe without realizing it, Ben himself had.

 

_ “Hanon?” Rey tested the name out on her lips. “I’ve never heard of him.” _

 

_ Ben did his best not to look entirely appalled. “Hanon’s exercises are widely praised and utilized by many learning pianists while they are still getting a grasp on the fundamentals of fingering.”  _

 

_ A brown eyebrow lifted and a devious grin pulled over pink lips. “Would you say that you’ve mastered the fundamentals of  _ **_fingering_ ** _ , Ben?” _

 

_ “A piano or a woman?” Despite the joking manner of his tone, he could feel how red his ears had become beneath the cover of his hair. _

 

_ “Well,” Rey leaned back so she could glance up at him where he stood behind the bench. “I already know your fingers can handle a piano just fine.” _

 

_ “Maybe if you manage to complete this exercise I can give you a private exhibition.” The words were far bolder than he’d intended them to be, but her grin stopped him from feeling much shame over them. _

 

_ With a glint in her eyes and a wiggle of her shoulders, Rey set her fingers to the keys, prepared to prove a point. _

 

Like any other time of emotional discontent, Ben found his grandfather’s music seeping from his fingertips and drowning the room in mournful echos. The sounds surrounded him and he felt some semblance of comfort in their tortured riffs and refrains. The warmth of Anakin’s arms couldn’t hold Ben and remind him that it was okay to feel this way, that it was okay to be full of emotions and doubts. In the place of his grandfather’s embrace, he could settle for the familiar notes that reminded him that Anakin had been just as sensitive and it was part of what made him so brilliant. Anakin was dead, but his music was alive; that feeling was immortalized forever. 

 

_ “It’s okay to be sad, Ben.” A hand patted the top of Ben’s head. “Don’t let Han make you bottle it up.” _

 

And wasn’t that the root of everything? Han Solo was afraid to feel so he didn’t even give Ben the chance to.

 

His phone lit up, a momentary flicker in his heart hoped it might be Rey returning one of his many missed messages. Instead, it was his mother. He let his thumb hover over the the red circle for two full rings before giving in and answering. If he was already feeling miserable, he might as well get the dinner he’d promised her over and done with.

 

“Hello, Ben.” Leia always sounded older over the phone. When she was standing in front of him she was shaped by memories and fondness, but when he couldn’t see her he was forced to face reality. Time was passing faster than any of them were ready to admit.

 

“Hello, mom,” he responded almost fondly. “I didn’t forget about dinner, I’ve just been very… preoccupied. If you still want to have me over then I can come by once I’ve packed everything up here.”

 

“Oh wonderful! I know that this workshop has kept you busy and I am very grateful that you came out to do it. The least I can do is offer you a nice home cooked meal.” The irony of that wasn’t lost on him. Leia never prepared dinner herself. She was a kitchen catastrophe and had Threepio on staff to make up for it.

 

“I have one stipulation.”

 

“Anything,” his mother said generously. 

 

“No Luke. I can’t handle him right now.”

 

Leia sighed, but after a small hum that likely accompanied a nod, she conceded. “Alright. When should I have everything set out?”

 

Ben flicked his eyes towards the clock. “I’ll be there in an hour.”

 

“Wonderful.”

 

That wasn’t the word that he would have used, but he wasn’t in the mood to argue it. “See you then.”

 

“I love you, Ben. Drive safe.” 

 

“Yeah. I love you too.”

 

Even after he hung up, Ben still felt saddened. When had they lost all this time? Years of Kylo Ren had stolen away so much time that could never be gotten back. His mother was pushing sixty and Han had a decade on her. He knew Han’s health hadn’t been ideal for the last few years and it was suddenly beginning to sink in that his parents really didn’t have much time left. If he intended to hold his grudge for another twenty years then they might die without ever having  resolved the empty estrangement. 

 

_ “A wound can’t heal if you choose to continue picking at it.” _

 

Ben looked down at the keys and swallowed the hard pill of reality. He couldn’t run away forever. Denial wasn’t offering him any solace. With no music to reverberate through the room, it felt about as empty as he did. Time was coming to a close now and he had to acknowledge that two weeks was all he had been granted, two weeks of a happiness he didn’t really deserve. His trip to Alderaan would come to a close as bitterly as it had begun. He gathered up his briefcase and didn’t look back as the door shut. Ben had no intention to ever return to that practice room or the bittersweet feelings it created. 

 

Ben stopped at the florist on the way to his parent’s home. Leia used to tell him that the best way to make a woman smile was to bring her something nice. He liked to see his mother smile; he always had. Perhaps that was where his frustrations with Han had originated. Ben’s mother wasn’t one to cry, but he could recall a few times in his younger years when a screaming match between Leia and Han had resulted in the woman leaning over a counter with teary eyes and remorse painting her features sullen. Han loved Leia. Ben never had any question of that in his mind, but whether or not that love was healthy for the two of them was something he debated often even before the age of ten.

 

He settled into his car, put his hands on the steering wheel, and swallowed the horrible feeling in his throat. A bouquet of flowers—a blend of yellow roses and marigolds to be exact—wasn’t going to mend anything. His mother being happy to see him wasn’t going to mean that his father would be, too. Ben couldn’t remember the last time he thought his father was genuinely happy to see him. Sometimes, when his darker thoughts were too strong to be fended away, Ben was convinced that his father’s biggest regret was having him at all. 

 

His childhood home was an oceanfront estate, a peachy bricked monstrosity that Leia had designed to be like something from her childhood dreams. It had soaring ceilings and an over abundance of windows, the gardens were immaculate, and it was just another thing about Alderaan that was far too excessive for Ben’s particular tastes. The first thing he noticed as he pulled into the gravel driveway was that a very familiar orange car was also parked.  _ Poe Dameron. _

 

Ben didn’t hate Poe. It wasn’t Poe’s fault that his parents would have rather had him for a son than the one they were cursed with. Poe showed up to every dinner he was invited to, he talked to Han about cars and Leia about politics and they all laughed and had the best of times. Ben would never click with Han the way Poe did, and when they had been roommates he didn’t even bother trying. Something about knowing that his parents still invited Poe over was sitting oddly in Ben’s already uneasy gut. He hadn’t even gone in yet and he already felt replaced.

 

He gathered the bouquet into his arms and walked up to the door. This wasn’t a competition. Poe being here didn’t change the purpose of this visit and he would be damned if he let it bother him. Ben adjusted his jacket and knocked on the door. He wasn’t a religious man, but he took the time to say a mental prayer. After losing the thing that had made this trip worthwhile, Ben truly hoped at least one thing could go surprisingly well.

 

Leia was the one who opened the door, her dark eyes lighting up the moment they fell on him. “Ben!” she exclaimed happily. “Come in, come in. You’re here much sooner than I’d thought. Let me find a vase for those flowers.”

 

Slowly, Ben stepped inside. The house was just as lavish now as it had been when he was small. There was no feeling of home seeping from the expensive decor. “Shoes?”

 

“Off.” His mother grinned before plucking the flowers from his grasp and wandering out of the foyer. 

 

Ben toed off his freshly shined shoes and began to follow in the direction his mother had gone. The hall walls were lined with portraits and pictures of each and every member of the family. Bail and Breha Organa, Leia’s godparents who had raised her for the majority of her life, were situated beside a large picture of Padme and Anakin on their wedding day. There were no pictures of Han’s parents, but Ben was sure that was because Han didn’t have any pictures to speak of. 

 

Laughter echoed from down the hall. Han and Poe were locked deep in conversation and Leia was jumping in to add her two cents every now and again. Although he had been invited to family dinner, Ben felt like he was intruding. The chorus of happy sounds filtered down the hall and left Ben wondering why he bothered to come in the first place. Why invite him at all if they were having the time of their life in his absence? 

 

“Get your ass in here and say hi, Ben!” Han’s voice sounded jarringly old as he said his son’s name. Neither of his parents were standing well against the test of time, it would seem.

 

“I’m coming,” he yelled back. He lifted his eyes to look at his grandparents, all four of them looking so happy, and he put on his bravest face. This family mattered to him and he was going to do what he could to mend it.

 

If Han had sounded old, he looked at least five years older. His hair was completely silver from roots to ends and deep wrinkles had formed on his forehead and around his eyes. Ben remembered a time when his father’s complexion was still clear and his hair was barely laced with traces of white. A side by side comparison of his memories and reality was harrowing, to say the least.The only thing that had seemed to stay the same were his hazel eyes that glimmered still with the mischief of youth. Even the passage of time couldn’t stamp out the spark of boyish charm that kept Han Solo aflame. 

 

Leia looked up from where she was placing his flowers one by one into a vase and gave him a soft smile. Poe was sitting across from Han at the dining room table, a bright smile on his lips as he talked. The cold shift in the atmosphere was palpable as Han turned his head and brown eyes met hazel for the first time in eleven years.

 

“Ben.” He tried out the name carefully as he sat up straight. “You’ve made your mother wait an awful long time before finally making it to dinner. I hope you apologized.”

 

Ben wasn’t sure if it was a joke or not, and something told him that Han wasn’t sure either. “Yeah,” he uttered without any idea of what else to say.

 

“And a warm and loving hello to you as well, Kylo,” Poe chirped from his seat. “I’m sorry to have cut in. If I had known you had plans tonight I would have come tomorrow, Leia.” 

 

“Ben,” the pianist corrected. “If I had known you’d be stopping in I would have moved my plans to tomorrow as well.”

 

The other man laughed and shook his head. “Your sense of humor is the same as ever; I wonder if you’re still just as awful with the ladies, too.” Poe smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes, as if there was something more he wanted to say but decided not to.

 

“Hey, cut that out.” Leia glared between the two of them as she set the vase at the center of the table. “No fighting at the dinner table.”

 

“Is it really a dinner table if there’s no dinner on it, your worship?” Han drawled, an entirely unhelpful action.

 

Leia rolled her eyes. “Yes,” she stated simply.

 

“I better be going. The roomies are expecting me to make something tasty for dinner and all of them should be back from work by now.” Poe got to his feet. “Please think about giving her a shot, Leia. She’s worth a lot more than she thinks.” Eyes drifted to land on Ben as he spoke those last few words and for some reason, Ben almost felt offended. He didn’t know who this girl was, but he was sure he had nothing to do with her.

 

“I’ll be sure to look over her resume. Have a safe drive, Poe.” Leia pulled Poe in for a hug and a pat on the back.

 

Han clapped a hand against Poe’s shoulder and gave a small wink. “Stay cool, kid.”

Poe offered his hand to Ben for a shake and left soon after. The room was eerily quiet in his absence. Ben decided he’d cut the silence.

 

“I see you still prefer my ex-roommate’s company to mine. Good to know you've finally become consistent.” The words were biting and loaded with pure intention to harm. Even though he was so sure he wanted it when he spoke them, something in him recoiled when he saw the pain reach his father's tired brown eyes.

 

“That’s no tone to take with your mother,” Han snapped, fixing a frown onto his lips. Both father and son were acutely aware that the outburst wasn't directed at the glaring woman between them. Han gave Leia’s shoulder a small squeeze before he went back to the kitchen, grumbling under his breath about consistency and frustrating children.  _ And so it began. _

 

“Ben,” Leia began in that same voice she’d used when she believed he was being irrational. The voice of a mother minimizing something because she didn’t understand. “Poe was only stopping by. We didn’t think you’d be here for another twenty minutes. Don’t take this out on your father; you know that’s unfair.”

 

“You don’t have to explain anything. You’re an adult and you don’t have to justify your actions to me, mother.” Bile burned in his throat. He didn’t like how tight his skin felt when he was in this house. It was like being teleported back into the body of a helpless fifteen year old all over again. “But I don’t see how it’s unfair to state the obvious. He would rather Dameron stay for dinner than his own son.”

 

“You  **know** that’s not true,” his mother cut in sharply.

 

“Do I?” Ben didn’t mean to raise his voice. He didn’t even realize he was yelling until he noticed the way Leia flinched. He averted his eyes and dropped his voice to a guilty whisper. “I don’t know  _ him _ , anymore.”

 

The soft warmth of his mother’s hand touched his arm. “Maybe you should try getting to know him. I know he’s been wanting to get to know you for a long time.”

 

“Are you sure about that?” He hated how weak his voice sounded. In his heart, the question felt entirely hopeless. Ben had given up on the notion that his father wanted anything to do with him over a decade ago.

 

“I am.” Leia leaned up and kissed his cheek. “Now go in there and apologize, you big oaf.”

  
  
  


Ben nodded lightly before heading into the kitchen. His father was leaning against the counter with a spoonful of something buried in his mouth. It wasn’t always easy to tell when Han was upset; he tried his best to hide it and look tough, but when his eyes shifted to the doorway and found Ben, they filled with an unmistakable haze of hurt.

 

“I know you think I hate you or something.” Han looked away. “But you can’t honestly think I don’t wanna spend time with my own son.”

 

Ben fidgeted slightly, like an overgrown adolescent. "I don't know  _ what _ I think," he admitted flatly. "You never gave me the chance to form a real opinion before shutting me down."

 

The kitchen surged with a silent twist of discomfort. Han turned fast, frustration coloring his features. “I did what I thought was best. I was just trying to help!  **You** shut me out long before I could ever truly do anything anyway.”

 

“I wonder where I learned that coping tactic from,” Ben snarled. “Forget it.” He turned on his heels and left before his father could edge in another word. 

 

“Ben!” Han barked from the kitchen, his voice reverberating through the hall and breaking Ben’s heart further each time. He felt so stupid for coming in the first place.

 

Leia said something as he passed her, but he didn’t care to hear it. He stormed off to find a familiar space where he could hide without feeling the pressure of everything threatening to break what was left of his will. He walked from hall to hall until he found himself in the music room. He froze in the doorway as he found it exactly as he’d left it.

 

_ The twenty-one year old regretted his decision to visit his parents. He’d been there less than an hour and his father was already berating him over something trivial. The door to the music room was slammed shut and Kylo tore pages from books as he screamed out in frustration. Items were thrown and kicked around and by the time he’d stopped making a mess he had tears in his eyes and was sitting with his back against one of the piano’s legs. This room had once been his sanctuary, but it wasn’t anymore. Kylo Ren didn’t have a sanctuary to call his own. He had  _ **_nothing_ ** _ to call his own. _

 

“I couldn’t bear to look at it.” Leia spoke softly at his side. “Threepio offered to clean it up repeatedly, but I didn’t want to violate your space. This room was never really mine or your father’s.”

 

Wordlessly, Ben stepped into the wreckage and began picking up the remnants of a rage from another time in his life. Kylo Ren was no stranger to outbursts, but Ben hated to think he could ever be pushed to that point. Pages were collected and placed into the books they were meant to belong in. “He doesn’t listen.”

 

Leia picked up the bench and sat it upright. “That must be where you get it from,” she quirked.

 

“It doesn’t matter how many times I try to talk to him; it just ends in disaster and irritation on both our parts. I want to fix things… but he’s just so… so… impossible.” Ben sighed and leaned against the piano’s leg. “I feel like he doesn’t want it to get better because then he has to admit that it was ever wrong.”

 

“He knows that it was awful. You’re not the only one who was hurt, Ben. We were both devastated. And when we tried to help you just… you didn’t want it.” Leia reached down to put a hand on his head, her fingers brushing through his hair softly. “You were a stubborn boy; both of us are to blame for that one. Han… he felt so guilty for what happened to you and he hated that no matter what he said, he only ever made it worse. He loves you so much, you hang the moon and stars in the sky for him. Christ, you should have seen him scrambling to be sure Threepio knew to make your favorite food tonight.” Ben didn’t look up, but he knew his mother was smiling. “He’s a goddamn idiot, he is, but he is trying just as hard as you are.”

 

Ben’s eyes felt wet but he wrote it off as his imagination. “Then why was Poe here? If I mean so much to him then why is he still trying to replace me?”

 

“Benjamin Solo, your father has  **never** tried to replace you.” A tug was given to his hair, not hard, but enough to jolt him a bit. “Poe was here to talk to me about his roommate who he wants me to find a job for at the university. She walks from her work on the corner to the school every night so he can drive her home and he’s worried that something might happen to her on the trip. He says she’s a tough girl, but she’s been a little out of her element for the past few days and some good news might do her some good.”

 

“Poe works at the university?” he blinked.

 

“Varsity ballroom coach.” Leia grinned deviously. “You should drop in and say hi some time; he was saying he wanted to talk to you about something serious.”

 

Ben couldn’t imagine what on earth Poe Dameron could want to talk to him about, but if he was going to go about ripping open every old wound Alderaan had to offer, he supposed it wouldn’t hurt to stop by tomorrow. He heard the bench creak behind him as his mother sat down. “I just don’t know how I’m going to do this. I can’t sit at the dinner table with all these things left unsaid.”

 

“Then maybe you just need to figure it out before dinner,” she offered. “If talking isn’t working, try something else. A hug or a letter or just… something. You’re a smart boy, Ben. You always have been. Think about what you want to do.”

 

He closed his eyes and thought hard. Communication was near impossible when emotions were running so high. After coming up entirely blank, Ben groaned and hit his fist against the wooden floor. “I don’t know. I just…” 

 

His fingers brushed against a piece of paper and his eyes shot open. He picked it up and saw the neat handwriting of his younger self. The top of the page was labeled  _ Father’s Day _ and then chord progressions filled the rest of the page.

 

“Can you bring him in here?” Ben asked faintly.

 

Leia looked down at him curiously and nodded. “Of course, dear.” She placed a kiss to the top of his head and left.

 

Ben got up quickly and began putting torn up books back on their rightful shelves. He moved the two chairs in the corner a little closer to the piano and then he took a slow and heavy breath. He knew what he had to do, he just wasn’t sure if he was strong enough to do it. He sat down at the bench and experimentally tested out the notes.

 

“Alright, so you’re going to yell at me and then you’re going to send your mother to smooth things over? I don’t know why--”

 

Han started fussing immediately, but Ben leveled him with a calm glance. “Sit down, okay?”

 

His father shifted like he’d seen a ghost and Ben looked away quickly. He heard shuffling as his parents took their seats behind him. When he was very young, not even seven, he used to put on concerts just like this. Han was never too enthusiastic about them, but he would sit in relative silence and listen anyway.

 

“I don’t see what this is going to he--”

 

“Just shut up and let me do this,” Ben said curtly from his place at the piano bench. “I meant to give this to you a long time ago… I figure now is just as good a time as any.”

 

Han worked his jaw side to side in a mildly miffed fashion before noding his head. Leia placed her hand on her husband’s knee and gave her son an encouraging smile. It was like some cheesy home piano recital from a children’s film,the glaring difference being that everyone was two and a half decades too old. 

 

Ben set his fingers on piano keys that were both familiar and very foreign. It had been an entire lifetime since the last time he played on this piano. He took a sharp breath in through his nose as he pulled a song from his memory, an arrangement made himself over nights and nights of listening to a song he’d never listen to again. Brown eyes closed and he transported himself back in time to a sunny Sunday afternoon before he ever dreamed up Kylo Ren. His fingers burst to life and sound enveloped the room.

 

_ An eager fourteen-year-old Ben Solo ran up to his father’s side. Han was bent over the hood of his car, cursing under his breath and reaching around for the right tool. The garage wasn’t Ben’s favorite place to be, but he had a burning question on his mind and it couldn’t wait until supper. _

 

_ “Dad, are you busy?” Ben leaned against the passenger side door. “I wanted to ask you a question.” _

 

_ Without looking up, Han retorted, “You just did, kid.” _

 

_ It wasn’t possible for Ben’s eyes to roll any further into the back of his head. “Another question.” _

 

_ “Sure.”  Han stood up, grease clinging to his five o'clock shadowed chin and coloring the white of his tank top in splotches of black. “What’s eatin’ you?” _

 

_ The younger Solo bolstered himself up with a brushing of his fingers through his hair before asking a rather loaded question. “What’s your favorite song?” _

 

_ Han's nose scrunched and he wiped his hands on his pants. "You don't have any easy 'yes, no' questions, do you, sport?" A dry laugh and a bright smile split his lips. "Let me think about that one and I'll get back to you." _

 

He felt wetness on his cheeks as it all came back to him. Each and every good moment he had spent with his father demanded his remembrance. The emotional stanzas of a ballad from 1970 were the soundtrack to forgiveness and understanding. This song was the promise that he should have offered up a long time ago. 

 

_ “‘Layla’ by Eric Clapton,” Han said randomly one night at the dinner table. _

 

_ Leia blinked but then went back to eating her noodles as if Han blurting out nonsense was something she put up with on the regular. _

 

_ “What?” Ben asked once he’d swallowed the garlic bread he’d been chewing.  _

 

_ “That’s my favorite song, I think. ‘Layla’ by Eric Clapton.” _

 

The song’s tone shifted and melted into something that sounded so hopeful. Ben’s improvisation from dusty memories of practice and looping his father’s single on the record player was far from perfect. He’d never tripped up so many times in his entire professional career, but somehow, he felt like he was performing his very best piece. He understood suddenly why Rey played the way she did. This was raw expression and it didn’t have to be refined to be meaningful.

  
  


In a place where words had always failed him, music could present what he wanted to express without him having to trip over syllables or fight for the right articulation. The father’s day gift he’d never given Han didn’t have a single word to muck up its intentions, and even though it was now twenty years late, Ben felt like it held more significance now than it had all that time ago. A grand finale rang through the air, bursting from the grand’s hammers and striking every heart in the room. He heard his mother sniffling behind him and felt his own nose crinkle up as wet tears dripped down his chin. Without speaking, he turned around on the bench. His father’s arms caught him instantly and four words were whispered in a frantic tone. 

 

“I’m so sorry, Ben.”

 

With his father’s teary face pressed against his shoulder and his own damp eyes clamped to a close, Ben Solo smiled as a peace came over him. They were nothing alike and maybe they would never be able to see eye to eye, but they were family, and their love for one another was strong enough to defy the barriers set by personality and trauma. “Yeah, me too.”

 

For the first time since he was just a child, Ben knew his father was happy to have him home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been so busy and dying inside, but come and give me some love and prompts on [Tumblr](https://reyloscum.tumblr.com) to help me keep afloat.  
> Song Rey is playing at the beginning: [John Williams - Jedi Temple March/Duel of The Fates(Arr Lucas King) ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bsOA_SqsUj0)  
> Song for Han: [Eric Clapton - Layla(Arr Josh Cavazos) ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHerPiLResE)  
> 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you missed it I did write a one shot from Rey's POV that goes between this chapter and the last! It's called Every Word, Every Thought, Every Sound. Feel free to check that out for a little extra world building and angst.
> 
> A BIG shout out to my lovely friend [Emma](https://archiveofourown.org/users/miri_of_nowhere_in_particular/pseuds/miri_of_nowhere_in_particular) who makes this story readable.

The clock informed him that the university doors would be open and that Poe Dameron’s office hours had begun. Instead of getting dressed for the day and preparing to face some unknown issue, Ben Solo sat down at his grandfather’s piano. He didn’t place his hands on the keys or make any motion to play; he simply sat on the sleek black bench and closed his eyes. When he was very young, he remembered seeing Anakin do the exact same thing when he was overwhelmed. It was grounding in some odd way. He didn’t have to play to feel the comforting ghost of the songs that had been composed on the keys.

 

Peace between himself and his father was enough to give him a pleasant night’s sleep. Some kind deity must have known his day was going to tear him apart and pitied him enough to hold back the nightmares and restlessness. It was something so minor in the grand scheme of things; one good night wasn’t going to fix all the damage he’d done, but it was a step in the right direction and that was good enough for now. He needed to relish these little victories when the world around him felt like a losing game. 

 

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d really spoken to Poe. Their falling out hadn’t been a small one; Kylo Ren didn’t excel at letting things stay small. Pain makes someone ready to pick a fight, and the constant resentment that had bubbled up between them made Poe Dameron a very easy target. They were roommates for four years, but they were never truly close friends. It was so strange to look back on. Retrospect always painted things in a different sort of light.

 

Ben played a single scale and then got to his feet. He knew that if he didn’t force himself to get moving that he could sit at the piano for the entirety of his free time, and that wouldn’t be doing himself any favors. His first stop was the kitchen, where he began to put together his breakfast. The silence of the room was grating at him as he prepared his oatmeal. Silence meant he was trapped with nothing but his own less than uplifting thoughts. Ben reached across the counter to turn on a song; anything would do just to create a little sound. 

 

_ “Oh.” She smiled sheepishly. “It’s called ‘This Must Be My Dream’. I don’t think you’d like much else by the band; they get a bit too suggestive for your tastes. If you do get around to listening to this one, though, I expect a text message with your thoughts.” _

 

His finger stilled over the screen. Before he could stop himself, he began typing the song name into the search bar. The very first search result was a YouTube link. There was no music video, which was a blessing since he didn’t actually want to watch one. This was a horrible idea. Maybe the worst he’d had in a while. But in his desperation to feel some kind of connection to the girl who wouldn’t see him anymore, Ben Solo hit play.

 

Synthesizer and the snapping of a snare drum erupted around him. It was just as wistful as it had been when it sung from the piano’s strings. The instrumental managed to feel nostalgic despite the fact he had never heard it in its true form. Ben stared down at the strawberries he'd been slicing and tried to shake away the heavy pang in his chest. Vocals joined over the steady twinkling backtrack, a male voice with unique tone and an accent too thick to properly discern all the poetic words at work.

 

This wasn't his preferred genre, it was too heavily produced and electronic. But somehow it felt so stripped and raw at its core. There was anguish in the sung words, words that stung him with a bitter and biting reality.

 

_ Pipe down now, lover. It’s failing ‘cause you want it to. _

 

Was that how she felt? Did Rey believe he wasn't trying to compromise? His strawberries were entirely abandoned in favor of hastily looking up lyrics. He suddenly needed to know why the singer sounded so discontented. A saxophone solo began and played in time to an ironic realization. Ben  _ had _ let them fail. 

 

He closed the lyric page as if it had burned him.

 

> ****\- Ben | 8:51 AM** - **
> 
>  
> 
> _ You were right, I liked the song. It’s somehow just as sad, even when you’re not the one playing it. _

 

Like some kind of fool, Ben waited for a response. He knew his phone wasn’t going to light up, but still he set it face up on the counter and began having a rather depressing staring contest with the unblinking screen. Somewhere in Alderaan Rey’s phone had lit up and she had swiped the notification aside. He knew it. He just couldn’t bear to admit it.

 

By the time he turned his eyes back to the strawberries, he wasn’t entirely sure he had an appetite anymore. His better judgement told him that emotional turmoil wasn’t actually an acceptable reason to forgo a meal, so he picked up the knife and finished cutting up careful slices. A bowl of oatmeal wasn’t going to mend his aching chest, or cure his melancholy, but it was hopefully going to be enough to power him through a talk he wasn’t ready to have.

 

After eating in silence, Ben went through his morning routine without a hitch. The silence wasn’t broken until he got into his car and was greeted by Rachmaninoff. He drummed his fingers against the steering wheel in a nervous sort of manner and tried to let the familiar song ease him like it used to do when he first assumed the name Kylo Ren. In a way, Ben felt like he was stepping back into a costume he’d learned to live without. Poe wasn’t expecting Ben Solo, Poe hardly even knew Ben Solo.    
  
But Ben knew that what people around him expected didn’t define him. He had broken the chains of bitterness and he wasn’t about to don a new set. Freedom was a choice, and it was one that he had to choose each and every morning. 

 

When he stepped into the ballroom gymnasium he found Dameron sitting on the floor beside a dark haired man he didn’t know. They were laughing and smiling, or at least they had been until Ben stepped inside, and appeared to be fairly close. Before Ben could greet either of them he was met with a rather rotund and rather familiar corgi bounding towards the door and yapping loudly.

 

“Calm down, BeeBee. I invited him.” Poe sprung up onto his feet and dove for his dog, throwing his arms around the barking corgi and squeezing him tightly to his body. “You remember, Ky-- Ben! It’s alright, buddy.”

 

“It would seem he doesn’t really remember me.” As he suppressed a snort, Ben felt twenty-one again. He didn’t usually like the feeling, but this had a strange kind of nostalgia that he didn’t quite hate. 

 

“It’s probably the name change, that shit’s bound to confuse a few people.” Poe grinned playfully as he scratched behind the excited dog’s ears. “Anyway, I didn’t invite you here so BeeBee could put you in your place.” He cleared his throat, letting his dog run over to the man sitting across the room. “I invited you here so **I** could.”

 

Ben did his best not to roll his eyes at Poe as he puffed up to his full height and put his hands on his hips. Poe Dameron was a bold guy with a lot of presence, but no matter how tough he could be, he was always going to be four inches shorter than Ben.

 

“And what exactly have I done to warrant the Commander Dameron act?” The dryness of his tone probably wasn’t doing him any favors in the shorter man’s eyes.

 

“Really?” A dark brow rose and Poe sized Ben up carefully. His eyes reflected his obvious disbelief but no matter how long he stared, Ben still didn’t seem to understand what was going on. “You honestly haven’t put two and two together yet?” 

 

Ben tried to stop the dumbfounded expression on his face, but he really couldn’t fight it off. Poe apparently knew something he didn’t, a first for sure. “What are you on about? I came here because I figured you wanted to talk about something either regarding my parents or you were wanting to try and make amends.”

 

“I thought he was supposed to be smart,” the man holding BeeBee piped up.

 

Poe noticed Ben’s scowl and laughed a little bit. “Usually he is, Finn. Lately his brain’s been a bit slow. First he had to go and break Rey’s heart and now he’s so dense he doesn’t even know he’s done it.”

 

Dark eyes blinked a few times and Ben felt himself instinctively take a step back. “You know Rey?” he asked in a more than slightly baffled tone.

 

“Who do you think I was trying to get a job for? Context clues, Ben. Context clues.” Poe shook his head as Finn laughed and began snacking on what looked like cheese crackers. 

 

Everything was slowly beginning to click into place. Rey had said she had a roommate who worked on campus, Poe had said he wanted to get his roommate a job on campus so she wouldn’t have to walk far, and if Ben had to take a guess then he would have to say that this Finn was the Finn that came with Rey to Alderaan. It felt like some silly comedy of errors when laid out like this. He slowly worked his jaw side to side slowly as he realized  _ exactly  _ why he was here. He’d known this encounter was going to be draining, but he hadn’t counted on it being insulting as well.

 

“Oh, it looks like he’s starting to get it,” Finn said around another handful of cheese crackers. 

 

Ben shot Finn a look, but he didn’t actually say anything. He wasn’t about to make a larger fool of himself. He shifted his weight from one leg to the other and then focused on Poe once more. “So you had my mother send me here so you could chastise me for hurting Rey?” He cleared his throat, the miserable feeling failing to clear with a simple cough. “I can assure you that I’ve done enough of that for the both of us.”

 

“Wallowing in your self pity isn’t going to help Rey any, so I’m going to have to ask you to maybe try a more proactive way of fixing this mess.” Poe sat beside Finn on the floor, Beebee moving into his lap once he was situated. “Spending time with you made her so happy. She was actively in the middle of learning a piano song just to surprise you when you decided to go and take all the enjoyment out of it.”

 

He scowled at the dance teacher. “You don’t know how it all happened, you can’t assume…” Ben paused. He had started out with the intention to defend himself, but he couldn’t follow through when everyone in the room was already aware that he blamed himself in full. “I didn’t know that it would hurt her. I hadn’t thought about the implications of the words until they were already between us.”

 

“Rey grew up without ever feeling valuable. The only time she was given a second glance was when she did something that was marketable or unique. She was exploited time and time again for her mind or her talents or even just put to hard manual labor. She’s in a better place now where she have people who love and value her, but our love is a little different from well… romantic love.” Poe scratched his cheek. “To be entirely honest, Rey doesn’t date often and she’s fiercely independent, so for her to invest that kind of trust in you just for...”

 

“You were an asshole and it hit her in the place where she’s the most sensitive,” Finn supplied in a frustrated tone. “I had half the mind to kick your ass in, but I know that she’d much prefer it if instead of you getting murdered for her benefit, you showed up and apologized for being a nearly irredeemable and entirely insensitive prick.”

 

“Woah, I was getting there, buddy. I was trying to give it to him in small bites,” Poe laughed, but Ben wasn’t at all amused.

 

“How am I supposed to fix things when she won’t answer me? She hasn’t answered a single phone call or text, she’s dodged any place where she knows I might find her… You say that I made her happy, but obviously not nearly enough to make an impact. She wants nothing to do with me.” Ben’s head drooped, defeated. “And I can’t fault anyone but myself. I was selfish and I deserve it.”

 

“You do,” Poe agreed. Beebee yipped along and Finn nodded. “But Rey doesn’t.”

 

Ben’s face scrunched up. He knew that Rey didn’t deserve it, but he wasn’t sure that him going to her would really do anything but make it worse. His eyes shifted to the piano in the corner, searching for anything that wasn’t Finn and Poe’s accusatory glares. Upon noticing a mess of sheet music scattered on the floor beside the pedals, Ben had to actually remind himself to breathe. Rey had been right under his nose this whole time. 

 

“She’s been coming here to play instead, hasn’t she?” he asked in a bewildered tone while moving to pick up the fallen score. The second page he overturned had ‘The Imperial March’ scrawled across the top in the same handwriting that had once spelled ‘Rey’ in daisies. He reminded himself to breathe, but this time his lungs didn’t comply. 

 

“Yeah. We don’t have a piano at the apartment. We’re all saving up to get her a keyboard, but we want to be sure we do our research and get the right one,” Poe spoke up but Ben was only half listening. 

 

He suddenly had a million new questions to ask her. Ben was dying to know why she picked this piece out of Anakin’s entire catalogue. He wanted to know why she chose the arrangement she did. He felt a smile drag along the corners of his lips as he pictured her sitting at the piano her selection had been composed on, plunking away at the unfamiliar notes and slowly coming to grasp the song. His smile fell the moment he realized his vision could have come to pass if he hadn’t been so tactless. 

 

“You wouldn’t perhaps be willing to divulge to me where she’s working, would you?” Ben asked as he gathered the papers into a neat stack. 

 

Poe shot him a grin. “The coffee shop across the street from Rebel Motors.”

 

_ Of course it was _ .

 

“Thank you, Dameron. I’m going to take care of this.” Ben checked his watch, he had time to swing by before class started. 

 

“Take good care of her, Solo.” Finn leveled him with a serious expression. 

 

“I’ll do everything in my power to do so.”  Ben thought he heard something akin to a ‘good luck’ as he stepped out of the ballroom gymnasium; whether it was verbally given or not, he knew he was going to need it. 

 

He settled back into his driver’s seat and concluded that he was going to have to get something for her before he showed up. Flowers were an option, chocolates as well —maybe both. What he said was going to be far more important than what he brought, but it never hurt to show that he was willing to invest in her happiness with something physical as well. She couldn’t hold an apology in her hands or place it in a vase as a reminder of the relief it brought. Coincidentally, flowers were capable of both. Class started in three hours, that gave him plenty of time to get a floral arrangement done and drop by Rey’s workplace. 

 

The distance between the university and Dex’s Diner was nearly three miles; Ben hated to think that Rey walked that path alone in the evenings on a daily basis. No matter how well lit the streets were, there was always opportunity for trouble when someone was walking alone. He found himself watching the sidewalks to see if there were any immediate red flags in her usual path, things like dark alleys and empty lots. Rey was a strong woman, but if Ben had things his way then she would never have to use that strength to defend herself ever again.

 

There was a small flower shop just a block away from Rebel Motors. Ben couldn’t count all the times he’d been there for his mother or to accompany his father and assist in picking something that didn’t look awful. Of course, the last time he’d gone in with his father was when he was just shy of eleven years old. When he stepped inside he began looking over the premade bouquets first and then headed to look at some of the individual selections. After spending a painstaking twenty minutes without making a clear choice, he approached the woman at the counter.

 

“I’m looking for a bouquet that expresses an apology. I betrayed the trust of someone I care for very much and I think flowers are a good place to start.” 

 

The woman at the counter, Xena according her her name tag, offered him an oddly knowing smile. “In the case of cheating or missteps in fidelity, the universal bouquet of apology is a medley of red and white long stemmed roses. Red roses represent affection and fidelity. White roses compliment that with chastity and truth.” 

 

“It wasn’t a matter of fidelity, I just misstepped and said something I’d like to take back,” he admittedly softly. 

 

The scarlet haired woman grabbed a bright purple flower. “This is a hyacinth. They stand for an apology. Purple ones are asking for the forgiveness of the recipient and blue represent sincerity. I could make an arrangement of the two with some white roses to break up the colors.” 

 

“Yes, thank you. I appreciate your knowledge.” Ben wanted to be sure that he went the extra mile; he didn’t care what the paycheck was. 

 

Xena got a large vase and began clipping stems and arranging large bell shaped blossoms. “This girl must be really important to you.”

 

“She is. I don’t think she knows how much, and I’m hoping to change that.” He nodded awkwardly. Small talk with strangers was not his forte in the slightest. “I’m going to walk around; feel free to come and get me if I’m not back before you’re done.”

 

“Absolutely.” 

 

Free from the awkward conversation, Ben stepped back out into the main area of the shop. He looked from flower to flower, taking in all of the colors and wondering which ones Rey might love the most. His bouquet today had a purpose, but he was certain  if things managed to look up again that he’d bring her plenty of flowers simply because he could. Someone so bursting with life needed to have a supply of fresh flowers as vibrant as her smile.

 

The florist came and got him only ten or so minutes later and he went up to the counter to pay. He was pleased with the arrangement; it was three dozen assorted flowers in watercolor cool tones that soothed the eye. He could only hope that she’d like them as much as he did. Ben promised a glowing review for the associate's hard work and then made his way to Dex’s, massive floral gift in his grasp.

 

When he arrived at the door, he suddenly felt out of his depth. Nothing seemed to be right. It dawned on him that she might not even like flowers; they weren’t exactly a universal thing. She was still on the clock and may not even have the time to talk with him. He was dressed for work and looked far more formal than he might have preferred. Ben wanted to bring back the intimate warmth they had when they were alone in his brownstone, not emulate an air of dominance because he was dressed to teach.

 

Despite the fact that he was convinced it was the utterly wrong moment for this, Ben knew he didn’t have the time to waste on procrastination. He had less than a week to win her over again and he was going to need all the time he could get. 

 

He bolstered himself up as best he could and pushed open the door. A little bell chimed above his head as he stepped into the mostly deserted diner. The usual clientele were at their morning classes, with the exception of three people who were each invested in an electronic device in their own respective corners of the building. White and red tile offered a retro feeling while the scent of fresh coffee promised something more modern and hip. Ben didn’t actually care about that tone of the establishment, he was on a mission far more important than hunting for a passable coffee joint. 

 

She didn’t appear to be on the floor at first and Ben wondered if maybe he had just missed her. He turned with the intention to go right back out and give Poe a call about her schedule, but a cheerful voice stopped him dead in his tracks.

 

“Welcome in, sir. Let me know when you’re ready to order.” The accent was unmistakable. 

 

Ben swallowed his doubts and turned around slowly. Rey was leaned over the register, her hair up in one messy bun on the very top of her head and a red and white apron serving as her uniform. After not managing even a glimpse of her for days, Ben couldn’t tear his eyes away from her. He wondered if she still had the same amount of freckles as the last time he counted or if maybe the sun had been kissing her in his stead.

 

Hazel eyes drifted to him nonchalantly at first, as if she were just checking to be sure someone was still there, but they widened after a fraction of a second. She flushed as though she’d seen a ghost and forced herself to stand upright. They weren’t alone in the building, but everything else seemed to melt away as he watched her eyes scan his face and then dip to the flowers. 

 

“Ben?” She choked out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come hit me up on[Tumblr](https://reyloscum.tumblr.com/). I'm working on my Reylo Charity Anthology piece right now so I'm most active there.
> 
> The song Rey played for him that he's finally listening to: [The 1975- This Must Be My Dream](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Q2Q3-U-BQ4)


End file.
